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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

The number of sportspeople who
use
Use synonyms
 illegal drugs to improve their performance has increased in many sporting events.
This
Linking Words
 essay believes that pressure from
coaches
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 and the competitiveness of the
athletes
Use synonyms
 are the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem,
while
Linking Words
 heavy punishments and hiring experienced trainers are essential solutions. Some
athletes
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 take illegal drugs because of the exhausting demands of
coaches
Use synonyms
, which often exceed their physical capabilities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the desire to remain at the top and the fear of losing are common among
athletes
Use synonyms
, leading them to win at all costs, even if it is unethical and causes unfair competition.
For example
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, an Iranian swimmer, after winning a gold medal, confessed that
due to
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 his passion for standing in first place, he had been taking banned pills for six months. One solution to eradicate
this
Linking Words
 problem is to impose severe punishments,
such
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 as banning
athletes
Use synonyms
 from competitions for one year or requiring them to do community service.
Moreover
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, hiring qualified and supportive
coaches
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 who focus
on not only
Correct word order
not only on
show examples
 winning
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 on building ethical sporting
behaviors
Use the right word
behaviours
show examples
 plays a significant role in reducing the temptation to
use
Use synonyms
 banned substances.
For instance
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, the replacement of strict trainers with experienced ones who implement balanced regulations in gyms has led to a decline in illegal drug
use
Use synonyms
 and an improvement in
athletes
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’
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
. In conclusion, the main reasons for the increase in the
use
Use synonyms
 of banned drugs are pressure from
coaches
Use synonyms
 and the temptation of winning.
However
Linking Words
, imposing strict punishments and employing knowledgeable trainers are effective measures to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue.

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Task response
Give more facts from sport to back up what you say. Link each cause to a clear effect.
Coherence
Use more linking words to connect ideas and keep short, clear sentences.
Language
Check that all ideas are clearly shown and not too long. Use simple words and short lines.
Task response
The essay shows a clear view on the topic.
Structure
There is a good layout with intro, body, and conclusion.
Idea development
An example helps show the point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs)
  • Doping
  • Anti-doping regulations
  • Detection methods
  • Ban substances
  • Ethical issues
  • Health risks
  • Fair play
  • Sportsmanship
  • Stakes
  • Pressure to succeed
  • Enforcement
  • Awareness programs
  • Testing frequency
  • Entourage
  • Science advancement
  • Financial gains
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