Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individual rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

It is believed that students
have
Wrong verb form
having
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to purchase all of the expense of their own education in university can bring about advantages to themselves rather than the public's benefits as a whole.
This
writer disagrees with
this
statement
due to
the wide approach for everyone to college education and students can concentrate on their course and other social activities without the financial burden. To commence with, with the fee for study
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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paid, more individuals can access
to
Change preposition
apply
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the higher education system.
As a consequence
, people who possess university degrees have a chance to secure their jobs which leads to a reduction in the rate of unemployment.
This
situation
also
goes some way toward reducing the crime level that by the root of unemployment and building a better conscious society with a better quality of life there.
For example
, in most countries, the higher the college enrollment is, the lower the crime rates are.
This
is the reason why tuition fee subsidies should be provided in order to make society safer. Another reason
that is
worth considering is the quality of student learning is better when there is no economic burden. For explanation, without the pressure caused by financial background, undergraduates can concentrate more on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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due to
the less time they have to spend on doing a side job
while
they can
also
participate in many volunteer activities. Evidence can be seen in the case of most universities in Viet Nam providing students with many voluntary activities to help financially disadvantaged people in disaster-prone areas to repair and renovate their houses. In conclusion, the author accedes the conviction that the governments should pay the entire payment of these young talents or they should share the fee percentage with undergraduates.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the essay prompt.
task achievement
Keep your ideas and examples specifically aligned with your main argument throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and transitions to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising for grammatical accuracy and precision in language use for an even stronger impact.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a well-structured argument, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively provided relevant examples to support your points, enhancing the persuasive aspect of your essay.

Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tertiary education
  • employability
  • economic growth
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • public funding
  • research and development
  • prosperity
  • equity in education
  • innovation
  • high earning potential
  • personal development
  • educated workforce
  • exacerbating
  • accessibility
  • public good
  • qualified individuals
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