IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. unfair. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions
Unfair distribution of wealth among members of different
professions
 has been
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
cause
Change the verb form
causing
caused
show examples
 of huge debate over the years.
The
Correct article usage
Modern
show examples
modern day
Add a hyphen
modern-day
show examples
 entertainers
such
actors
Change preposition
as actors
show examples
,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
professionals
 and similar
people
 have always been wrongfully described as
money
 merchants who were apparently earning unfair amounts of
money
 in comparison with
people
 in other important
professions
such
 as firefighters, doctors and teachers. Taking a closer look into the aforementioned debate, it is obvious that there are economic, social and financial factors that
justifies
Change the verb form
justify
show examples
 the amount of
money
 earned by
sports
professionals
.
To begin
 with, it is true that
people
 in important
professions
such
 as firefighters, doctors and kindergarten workers earn a mere amount of what
modern day
Add a hyphen
modern-day
show examples
 footballer earns. The supporters of the debate who think that
sports
professionals
 should earn less than
people
 in those
professions
 justify their sentiment by the fact that
people
 working in vital areas
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 supporting our daily lives are risking their lives to help us while sport
professionals
 are just entertainers without whom, the life can normally continue.
On the other hand
, the amount of
money
 earned by the
sports
professionals
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 earned via their input through sponsorship deals, marketing programs, revenues that they help to generate. The great deal of
money
 that they generate cannot be matched by
people
 working in other
professions
 and
therefore
, their worth in terms of making
money
 is rightly reflected in their salaries. Even though
such
predicament
Correct article usage
a predicament
show examples
 may seem unfair, the salary levels of both categories are ruled by economic laws and merits. In conclusion, I believe that successful
sports
professionals
 have a right to earn
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 deal of
money
 than
people
 in other important
professions
 as in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
financial terms, their financial input is greater than the group of
people
 in the latter category.
Submitted by zarifa.radjabova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
What to do next:
Look at other essays: