IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. unfair. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions
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Unfair distribution of wealth among members of different
professions
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 has been
Add an article
the cause
a cause
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cause
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causing
caused
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 of huge debate over the years.
The
Correct article usage
Modern
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modern day
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modern-day
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 entertainers
such
Linking Words
actors
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as actors
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,
sport
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sports
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professionals
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 and similar
people
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 have always been wrongfully described as
money
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 merchants who were apparently earning unfair amounts of
money
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 in comparison with
people
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 in other important
professions
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such
Linking Words
 as firefighters, doctors and teachers. Taking a closer look into the aforementioned debate, it is obvious that there are economic, social and financial factors that
justifies
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justify
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 the amount of
money
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 earned by
sports
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professionals
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is true that
people
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 in important
professions
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such
Linking Words
 as firefighters, doctors and kindergarten workers earn a mere amount of what
modern day
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modern-day
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 footballer earns. The supporters of the debate who think that
sports
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professionals
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 should earn less than
people
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 in those
professions
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 justify their sentiment by the fact that
people
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 working in vital areas
that
Linking Words
is
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are
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 supporting our daily lives are risking their lives to help us while sport
professionals
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 are just entertainers without whom, the life can normally continue.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the amount of
money
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 earned by the
sports
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professionals
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are
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is
show examples
 earned via their input through sponsorship deals, marketing programs, revenues that they help to generate. The great deal of
money
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 that they generate cannot be matched by
people
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 working in other
professions
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 and
therefore
Linking Words
, their worth in terms of making
money
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 is rightly reflected in their salaries. Even though
such
Linking Words
predicament
Correct article usage
a predicament
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 may seem unfair, the salary levels of both categories are ruled by economic laws and merits. In conclusion, I believe that successful
sports
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professionals
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 have a right to earn
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
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 deal of
money
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 than
people
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 in other important
professions
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 as in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
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financial terms, their financial input is greater than the group of
people
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 in the latter category.
Submitted by zarifa.radjabova on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
What to do next:
Look at other essays: