IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion?

In other
people
Use synonyms
’s perspectives,
people
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to commit
mistakes
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, in the opinion of others, it is the task of the older generation to assist the young in mistake avoidance. It is an inevitable part of human nature to make errors and allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to commit one establishes a good learning ground. It is because when humans are mistaken, they learn from it, and from that experience,
people
Use synonyms
 are more inclined not to commit the same act again as they are knowledgeable of the result.
For instance
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 learning new skills
such
Linking Words
 as singing and dancing will not be able to achieve a perfect first try.
However
Linking Words
, these youngsters will persevere and will repetitively practice until they perfect the song or the choreography.
Conversely
Linking Words
, older adults must prevent errors in
children
Use synonyms
 as
this
Linking Words
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
 the youth to be confident in their skills and knowledge.
This
Linking Words
 is attributed to the bravery of
children
Use synonyms
 who are not called out for committing
mistakes
Use synonyms
 .
Hence
Linking Words
, these young ones will be more inclined to try new things and learn new skills. To exemplify
this
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who are guided by their mothers in their first cooking session will be able to minimize or not commit cooking errors as their mothers are overseeing their moves and tasting their dishes. These
children
Use synonyms
 are learning the art that changing a part of the recipe will
also
Linking Words
 alter the taste,
therefore
Linking Words
, knowing the consequences beforehand prevents them from making
mistakes
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I agree that
people
Use synonyms
, including the younger generation, must be allowed to be wrong sometimes and learn from it. Because learning from
mistakes
Use synonyms
 brings forth perfection.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your view on the topic. This will help guide your reader and lead to a stronger argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to add more clear links between your ideas. Use words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to show how your points connect.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. This will help make your argument stronger and clearer.
content
You have good points about the importance of learning from mistakes and the role of adults. It shows you understand both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom to make mistakes
  • critical thinking skills
  • lifelong learning
  • guided learning environment
  • resilience
  • independence
  • overprotective
  • dependency
  • problem-solving skills
  • confidence
  • negative consequences
  • learning process
  • personal growth
  • trial and error
  • balance safety and learning
  • development
  • support and guidance
  • empowerment
  • risk-taking
  • life lessons
What to do next:
Look at other essays: