IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays parent put too much pressure on thier cgildern to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#parent #pressure #thier #cgildern #reason #development
Children of today are not competing with the child
next
 door, but with the child of the global village;the world.
consequently
,it is seen that
parents
 are over compelling their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 to prosper.Unfortunately ,
this
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 the development of young people in a negative trajectory.
This
 essay intends to analyse the reasons behind it as well as its impact.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
 and the major reason is that 
parents
 want their children to be successful according to the paradigm of society and
also
 force them to excel in everything.
In addition
, some guardians get influenced by the success stories of people around and start to increase expectations on their little one's future.It
results
Add the preposition
inresults
fromresults
show examples
 them
to prepare
Change the verb form
preparing
show examples
 their
offsrings
Correct your spelling
offerings
offspring
 in every means to have a bright future without realising the consequences it can have on the youngster's mental health.
Moreover
, each and every
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 of today
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 stifling with
this
 increased pressure and end up in quandary.
Furthermore
,  they are restricted from choosing what they really desire for resulting
them
Change preposition
in them
show examples
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 the puppets of their
parents
 and forced to live a life of not their choice. I strongly
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
,
this
attittude
Correct your spelling
attitude
 towards the current generation would not do any good to family dynamic and future of the descendants.Every individual is unique as well as their choices  and
also
 every single person in the society should have the freedom to be themselves and select what they want in order to be successful not only in terms
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
 they earn but
also
 on the basis of their happiness. To conclude, I reiterate that a person's success is not defined by the money he
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
, so the
parents
 should not pressurise their children to be successful according to the
societie's
Correct your spelling
societies
society's
 definition of success but should be by the
youngsters
Change to a genitive case
youngster's
youngsters'
show examples
 will.The onus is on the family to help the young folks to overcome
this
builded
Correct your spelling
built
show examples
 up pressure.
Submitted by roshnasav24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: