Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others, however, believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #factor #happiness

It is true that every person needs

money

to lead a happy

life

. Some people think

happiness

is directly linked to the richness of an individual.

However

, to a great extent, I believe that

one

can live a peaceful

life

without having a high income.

This

essay discusses both viewpoints

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and evaluates the reasons behind supporting the latter argument. Admittedly,

money

plays a crucial role in the survival of a person in the modern world.

This

is because even the basic amenities have their cost without which

one

cannot imagine a good

life

For instance

, for healthcare facilities or for buying food items,

one

must have enough cash to meet their daily requirements.

Moreover

happiness

is impossible without

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apply

show examples

quality education and a good house for the family to live. In fact, every materialistic item required for a decent lifestyle is linked with

money

However

, considering currency as the primary factor for a joyful

life

is not mandatory as it has its own drawbacks. Being rich does not guarantee mental peace as the majority of wealthy people generally suffer from stress and anxiety. To illustrate,

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

per

Happiness

Index Report published annually by

United

Correct article usage

the United

show examples

Nations Organisation reveals that citizens in countries having income are more satisfied with their lifestyle,

whereas

people in developed nations suffer from depression and isolation. Spending time with family members is imperative to find

happiness

and it costs nothing. In conclusion,

although

without

money

one

cannot think about a good lifestyle, it should not be considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the only factor of

happiness

. In my opinion,

happiness

is linked with mental peace and well-being and it has nothing to do with

money

Submitted by Arshdeep on Mon Jul 19 2021

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task response

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that the logical flow of ideas is maintained throughout the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others, however, believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that children should learn world history. Others believe that it is more important to learn the history of their own country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries smoking is now illegal in public places. Do you agree or disagree?

You live in a house opposite a park. Every day a man brings large dogs to the park and lets them run free. Write a letter to your local council complaining about the danger. In your letter -say where the park is, -say how often this happens -give a description of the man and the dogs.