Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others, however, believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #factor #happiness

It is true that every person needs

money

to lead a happy

life

. Some people think

happiness

is directly linked to the richness of an individual.

However

, to a great extent, I believe that

one

can live a peaceful

life

without having a high income.

This

essay discusses both viewpoints

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and evaluates the reasons behind supporting the latter argument. Admittedly,

money

plays a crucial role in the survival of a person in the modern world.

This

is because even the basic amenities have their cost without which

one

cannot imagine a good

life

For instance

, for healthcare facilities or for buying food items,

one

must have enough cash to meet their daily requirements.

Moreover

happiness

is impossible without

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quality education and a good house for the family to live. In fact, every materialistic item required for a decent lifestyle is linked with

money

However

, considering currency as the primary factor for a joyful

life

is not mandatory as it has its own drawbacks. Being rich does not guarantee mental peace as the majority of wealthy people generally suffer from stress and anxiety. To illustrate,

Correct word choice

apply

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per

Happiness

Index Report published annually by

United

Correct article usage

the United

show examples

Nations Organisation reveals that citizens in countries having income are more satisfied with their lifestyle,

whereas

people in developed nations suffer from depression and isolation. Spending time with family members is imperative to find

happiness

and it costs nothing. In conclusion,

although

without

money

one

cannot think about a good lifestyle, it should not be considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the only factor of

happiness

. In my opinion,

happiness

is linked with mental peace and well-being and it has nothing to do with

money

Submitted by Arshdeep on Mon Jul 19 2021

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task response

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that the logical flow of ideas is maintained throughout the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others, however, believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?

Since it is so easy to reach a large audience on the internet, people have to be exceptionally talented to become famous these days. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is imp for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give opinion.

some people argue that the best way to reduce pollution and traffic jams from city centres is to make public transport free. do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.