IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people argue that government should spend on their money elderly people care. However, other people say that government should focus more education for young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #money #care #focus #education
There is no doubt that every country should invest their funds wisely. While some believe that it is vital to take care of a nation's retired personnel, I would
agrue
Correct your spelling
argue
agree
 that training, and educating young people is imperative to a country's economic welfare.
To begin
 with, those who believe
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
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 needs of the aged community should be invested in
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 might argue that these citizens have served their society well, and
therefore
 their well-being should not be compromised.
Moreover
, It is strenuous for elderly people to take care of their own health.
For instance
, an old person with
wheel-chair
Correct article usage
a wheel-chair
show examples
 might not be able to drive to a hospital by themselves in case of an emergency, an ambulance should be provided by the healthcare authorities for
this
.
In contrast
, If the management did not disburse any cash for the elderly, their life expectancy would definitely decline.
On the other hand
, It is indispensable to provide
captial
Correct your spelling
capital
 for adolescent's education to boost a nation's economy.
This
 is because, better schooling and training will provide an ample amount of opportunities to youngsters to start their own business, leading to more job opportunities. To illustrate, growth in employment would lead to additional tax collected by the government.
As a result
,
this
 extra cash can be spent wisely
into
Change preposition
on
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 public development. In conclusion,
although
 investment in elderly care is important due to the service provided by them to the society I strongly believe that without
fousing
Correct your spelling
focusing
 on teenager's education and schooling, the nation's financial state can not improve.
Submitted by anirudhgaurag on

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