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Writing Samples
Band 6

some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important thing. Others say that spending time with friends and family is important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #friends
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There is no doubt that spending
time
Use synonyms
 proper way is the most important thing in any human
life
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. There are those who say that
time
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 should
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
be spending
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 to build a
career
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.
However
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, others believe that it's important to spend
time
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 with friends and family. In
this
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 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
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 I will examine
the
Remove the article
apply
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both sides of the
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arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
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 and provide my overall opinion to support my
arguments
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. Generally ,speaking there are mainly two reasons why
people
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 believe that we should spend
time
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 to build my
career
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. Perhaps the main reason why
people
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 are in favour of
this
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idea
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 is
because
Replace the word
that
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 develop a successful
career
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 is the
first
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 priority and all other relationships are secondary.
That is
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 the reason we should spend
time
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 as much as possible to develop a
career
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. If anyone can develop a
career
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, the rest of the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
people
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 will come in
life
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 without any effort. A
further
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 point in favour of
this
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idea
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 is that, without
,
Correct article usage
a,career
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career
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people
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 have to be always dependent on others.
For instance
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, if any
people
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 spend their
time
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 building relationships instated of build careers, they can not do anything in their
life
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othout
Correct your spelling
without
that
thought
 other's help. Despite, the
arguments
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 there is cause for the
idea
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 that spending
time
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 with spend and family is important. Perhaps the main reason why
people
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 think
that is
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 a good
idea
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 is
because
Replace the word
that
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 relationship with friends and family is the main basis for mental peace. if any
people
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 have a good
career
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 but a not good relationship with friends and family, there is no value for their
life
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. Bad relationships turn into
a personal problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
personal problems
a personal problem
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such
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 as loneliness, alcoholism and
alinieat
Correct your spelling
alignment
. in conclusion,
this
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 is a topic which is very relevant to modern society.despite
arguments
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 to the contrary. I feel very strongly that, spending
time
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 for developing a
career
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 is important. if have only a good relationship without
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career
Add an article
a career
the career
show examples
,
life
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 will be always dependent on others.
Submitted by fmarif2009 on

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