some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important thing. Others say that spending time with friends and family is important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #friends

There is no doubt that spending

time

proper way is the most important thing in any human

life

. There are those who say that

time

should

be spend

Change the verb form

be spent

be spending

show examples

to build a

career

However

, others believe that it's important to spend

time

with friends and family. In

this

essay

Add an article

an essay

the essay

show examples

I will examine

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

both sides of the

arguments

Fix the agreement mistake

argument

show examples

and provide my overall opinion to support my

arguments

. Generally ,speaking there are mainly two reasons why

people

believe that we should spend

time

to build my

career

. Perhaps the main reason why

people

are in favour of

this

idea

because

Replace the word

that

show examples

develop a successful

career

is the

first

priority and all other relationships are secondary.

That is

the reason we should spend

time

as much as possible to develop a

career

. If anyone can develop a

career

, the rest of the

the

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

people

will come in

life

without any effort. A

further

point in favour of

this

idea

is that, without

Correct article usage

a,career

show examples

career

people

have to be always dependent on others.

For instance

, if any

people

spend their

time

building relationships instated of build careers, they can not do anything in their

life

othout

Correct your spelling

without

that

thought

other's help. Despite, the

arguments

there is cause for the

idea

that spending

time

with spend and family is important. Perhaps the main reason why

people

think

that is

a good

idea

because

Replace the word

that

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

relationship with friends and family is the main basis for mental peace. if any

people

have a good

career

but a not good relationship with friends and family, there is no value for their

life

. Bad relationships turn into

a personal problems

Correct the article-noun agreement

personal problems

a personal problem

show examples

such

as loneliness, alcoholism and

alinieat

Correct your spelling

alignment

. in conclusion,

this

is a topic which is very relevant to modern society.despite

arguments

to the contrary. I feel very strongly that, spending

time

for developing a

career

is important. if have only a good relationship without

career

Add an article

a career

the career

show examples

life

will be always dependent on others.

Submitted by fmarif2009 on Wed Aug 18 2021

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

318 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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