IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Schools should stop using books for teaching children as they find them.boring and use films tv and computer instead . to what extent do you agree and disagree?

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It is often believed that educational
institutions
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 should not allow students to gain their knowledge by using conventional educational
materials
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 like
books
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, as sometimes these
materials
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 become more tedious than acquiring knowledge by using other forms
such
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 as films, television, and
computers
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.
However
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, I completely agree with
this
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 statement and will explain some logical reasons behind it. There are a number of reasons why educational
institutions
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 should prefer using digital forms for educating young people rather than using
books
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.
Firstly
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, academic establishments may ensure digital
education
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 through technological devices like projectors, webcams, and desktop
computers
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 because the advancement of technology has been incredible over the
last
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 few decades.
For example
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, educational
institutions
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 were used to conduct academic classes in digital form by using mobile phones, laptops, and
computers
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 during the pandemic in 2020.
Secondly
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, as the young generation is highly encouraged to use electronic devices, the government should take the initiative to establish a digital
education
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 system in academic
institutions
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 rather than providing
education
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 to pupils through hardcopy
materials
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 like
books
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.
On the other hand
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, in
this
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 contemporary world, students are interested in acquiring knowledge through conventional learning
materials
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 like
books
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.
This
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 is because it is very difficult for them to carry out these
books
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while
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 travelling to the schools.
Besides
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, sometimes children have been experiencing health-related issues like back pain because of carrying an overweight school bag containing a bunch of
books
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.
In addition
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, students are struggling with concentrating on the
books
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, and
this
Linking Words
 is because they feel monotonous in their student lives because of the same learning
materials
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. In a nutshell,
although
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 academic establishments are used to provide teaching by following the very common
education
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method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 like
books
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, I firmly believe that educational
institutions
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 should provide
education
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 among the pupils
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 introducing digital
education
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 methods like projectors, films, television, and
computers
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, which is very convenient for the young generation.

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task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion by addressing both sides of the argument equally. Your essay leans heavily towards digital education, which overlooks the prompt's request to discuss both perspectives fully.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the essay. While you've made an effort to link ideas, introducing more varied linking words and phrases can strengthen the coherence further.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples that are directly related to the question. Your examples should clearly illustrate why one method is preferred over the other, which will also support your task achievement score.
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