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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.

#people #children #choices #matters #society #individuals
Nowadays, the modern
world
 has various kinds of important documents and
data
, which were kept under high security. Some
people
 were arguing, that it is good to exchange more details.
Such
 as scientific experiments, business secrets, military
data
 and any other valuable resource throughout the commercial
world
. Other
people
 were arguing, that information is more valuable to be exchanging totally free.
This
 essay will explore both sides of the argument and
finally
, express my view.
To begin
 with, consider to the recent decades the plenty of more valuable information has around the
world
. More
people
 did not like that share much important things with others.
Hence
, the
data
 is a more dominant and high risk to exchange into the public.
For instance
, these days every part of the
world
 is faced by covid-19 pandemic, while specially developed countries like
Correct article usage
the
show examples
USA, the UK, Russia, China are explored by several immunity vaccinations. These details around the medication experiments, they not sharing to across the
world
 due to they prefer to handle by the monopoly of vaccinations and earn plenty of money regarding that. Every important
data
Correct quantifier usage
piece of data
show examples
 has much value in today’s
world
, even anybody does not prefer to sharing valuable sources from
third
 party
people
.
On the other hand
, some human thinks is that better way to transfer expensive reports with the public. It has several advantages like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
 could gain lots of knowledge regard subjects,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 can aware more accurate information.Occasionally, they can
getting
Change the verb form
get
be getting
show examples
 some benefits around that.
However
, consider
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the business environment today many
campanies
Correct your spelling
companies
 faced
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
huge competition to enhance profit, market share,customers. They
did't
Correct your spelling
didn't
 need
sharing
Change the verb form
to share
show examples
valuble
Correct your spelling
valuable
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 with their rivals.
Submitted by kasun.sanjayacool on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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