Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.

#people #children #choices #matters #society #individuals

Nowadays, the modern

world

has various kinds of important documents and

data

, which were kept under high security. Some

people

were arguing, that it is good to exchange more details.

Such

as scientific experiments, business secrets, military

data

and any other valuable resource throughout the commercial

world

. Other

people

were arguing, that information is more valuable to be exchanging totally free.

This

essay will explore both sides of the argument and

finally

, express my view.

To begin

with, consider to the recent decades the plenty of more valuable information has around the

world

. More

people

did not like that share much important things with others.

Hence

, the

data

is a more dominant and high risk to exchange into the public.

For instance

, these days every part of the

world

is faced by covid-19 pandemic, while specially developed countries like

Correct article usage

the

show examples

USA, the UK, Russia, China are explored by several immunity vaccinations. These details around the medication experiments, they not sharing to across the

world

due to they prefer to handle by the monopoly of vaccinations and earn plenty of money regarding that. Every important

data

Correct quantifier usage

piece of data

show examples

has much value in today’s

world

, even anybody does not prefer to sharing valuable sources from

third

party

people

On the other hand

, some human thinks is that better way to transfer expensive reports with the public. It has several advantages like

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

people

could gain lots of knowledge regard subjects,

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

can aware more accurate information.Occasionally, they can

getting

Change the verb form

get

be getting

show examples

some benefits around that.

However

, consider

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the business environment today many

campanies

Correct your spelling

companies

faced

Change preposition

apply

show examples

huge competition to enhance profit, market share,customers. They

did't

Correct your spelling

didn't

need

sharing

Change the verb form

to share

show examples

valuble

Correct your spelling

valuable

resource

Fix the agreement mistake

resources

show examples

with their rivals.

Submitted by kasun.sanjayacool on Sat Aug 28 2021

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

274 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Include an introduction and conclusion

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