IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some University students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Disscus both views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification #disscus
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Opinions are divided into whether
students
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 who study in universities should learn about different
subjects
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besides
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 their main
subjects
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, or just concentrate on their qualification. I believe that it is beneficial for
students
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 to learn about other fields, too. A group of
students
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 are keen to not just focus on their professional, and explore more in science fields. Actually, there are some pieces of knowledge that play a vital role in everyone's lives,
hence
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 individuals should learn them, even if they are studying in another field.
For example
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, these days are the days of technology,
due to
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this
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 it is vital for people to know how to work with computers, and if they do not, they might get into trouble, even in their subject.
Furthermore
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, as English is the international language, without a shadow of a doubt, all
students
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 and scholarly persons have to learn it. So, it is noticeable that
students
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 need to allocate time for learning other
subjects
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, too.
On the other hand
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, opponents think learning other
subjects
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 may distract
students
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' minds, and has consequences. They believe that if people pay attention to learning anything as opposed to their main
subjects
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, their performance will
alleviate
Verb problem
improve
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.
However
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,
that is
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 not true. Because learning other
subjects
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 not only means that
students
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 sacrifice their professional but
also
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, helps them to foster in various fields. All in all, despite some people arguing that
students
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 should spend all their time and effort on their main
subjects
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, I believe that they should learn crucial and practical skills,
such
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 as English and computer science
,
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apply
show examples
 because they help them to foster more and perform better even in their own field.
Submitted by sindokhtdadjoo2000 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider diversifying your sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay. Utilizing a variety of complex and compound sentences can make your arguments more compelling.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. While you have mentioned the importance of technology and learning English, further elaborating on these points with concrete examples will strengthen your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing a more nuanced thesis statement that clearly outlines the points you will discuss. This will help in creating a more coherent and cohesive essay structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and enhance the overall clarity of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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