IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Technology advancement was never favoured by everyone from the very beginning
but
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, but
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 since phone tracking has been introduced
even
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, even
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 more people are going against it because they ain’t aware when they can be tracked
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due
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, due
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 to which they don’t get enough privacy.
Although
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 I believe its positives outweigh the negatives and
therefore
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this
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 essay will discuss both the pros and the cons. On the one hand, it's data privacy when people are being monitored without their consent
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it can be dangerous because phones have sensitive information like
one time
Use the right word
one-time
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 passwords (OTP), debit and credit card details, etc.
For instance
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, most of the mobile phone brands are forced by the authorities to attach tracking software
which
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, which
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 most of the public is not informed about.
Although
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 the data from tracking devices
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
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 safe with them
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,
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sometimes hackers can hack into it and access all the sensitive data
Punctuation problem
. Therefore
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therefore
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therefore,
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 the government shouldn’t take any risky measures with the security of the citizens and should be more careful with
this
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 information.
On the other hand
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, it is a good step towards national security as tracking eliminates the chances of a crime happening by at least 50% because the authorities can track the people plotting the evil beforehand.
For instance
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, everyone’s social media handles are under
invigilation
Check wording
surveillance
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 and can be easily tracked down by the NSA with
help
Correct article usage
the help
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 of their algorithms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 help them know about a potential terrorist attack.
Additionally
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, the security cameras are located almost at every nook and corner
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due
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, due
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 to which
Correct pronoun usage
they records
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records
Correct subject-verb agreement
record
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 footage all day long
, whenever
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. Whenever
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 there's a fight or a crime
scene
Punctuation problem
scene,
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 these footages come to the rescue and serves as proof.
To conclude
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, even though our privacy is violated by the government but it is for our own good because it helps reduce the crime rates in the country.

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task
Your view is clear, but the reasons are not strong. Make a firm main idea in the first or second sentence and stay with it.
structure
Body ideas should be one idea per paragraph with a clear example and why it matters.
coherence
Use simple link words to show order, like first, also, but, and then.
content
Check facts and do not claim big numbers you cannot back up. Use true and simple facts.
grammar
Many sentences have small grammar errors. Check subject-verb in each sentence and keep verb forms right.
vocabulary
Use plain words. Avoid hard words and long phrases. This helps your score.
strength
Clear main idea appears in the conclusion.
coherence
Uses basic linking words to show sequence.
content
Attempts to discuss both sides with examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Surveillance
  • 2. Monitoring
  • 3. Cell phone tracking
  • 4. Security cameras
  • 5. Public safety
  • 6. Law enforcement
  • 7. Privacy concerns
  • 8. Personal freedom
  • 9. Autonomous
  • 10. Breach of trust
  • 11. Misuse of information
  • 12. Institutional integrity
  • 13. Psychological impact
  • 14. Mental well-being
  • 15. Societal trust
  • 16. Paranoia
  • 17. Transparency
  • 18. Stringent regulations
  • 19. Criminal deterrence
  • 20. Apprehension of criminals
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