IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Money
Use synonyms
 is everything and can change someone's
life
Use synonyms
. Saving
money
Use synonyms
 can guarantee a long-term future, and it is necessary for teenagers to be thrifty. In fact, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. I believe that having a financial plan is very essential for
education
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
 issues.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
money
Use synonyms
 is the most important factor in improving the quality of
education
Use synonyms
. The higher
one
Use synonyms
's
education
Use synonyms
, the more
money
Use synonyms
one
Use synonyms
 spends, and a good
education
Use synonyms
 typically comes from a reputable school.
Thus
Linking Words
, saving
money
Use synonyms
 will allow you to achieve great academic success, which in turn will help you secure a proper future career.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, most top-quality
schools
Use synonyms
 are private institutions with international curricula. Almost 80% of students who graduate from these
schools
Use synonyms
 are successful, and their school fees range from 80 to 150 million rupiahs per year. Currently, the big question in many parents' minds is why their children should be enrolled in
one
Use synonyms
 of these top
schools
Use synonyms
. The answer is that these
schools
Use synonyms
 offer the best quality
education
Use synonyms
 and provide access to a better
life
Use synonyms
 in the future. To make
this
Linking Words
 a reality,
money
Use synonyms
 is the key factor, which is why people should save
money
Use synonyms
 for a comfortable
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, sudden illness is
one
Use synonyms
 of the most frightening challenges, because not all types of diseases are covered by government-provided
health
Use synonyms
 insurance. When a
health
Use synonyms
 issue becomes chronic and requires urgent care, people need to
have
Correct your spelling
save
show examples
saved
Verb problem
apply
show examples
enough
money
Use synonyms
 to cover the medical expenses.
For example
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, BPJS (the government
health
Use synonyms
 insurance) does not cover cancer treatment, which requires fast and continuous care. People may have to spend around 5.5 million rupiahs for just
one
Use synonyms
 chemotherapy session. If they have not saved
money
Use synonyms
, they will face financial difficulties in paying these bills. In conclusion, unexpected
life
Use synonyms
 events can change someone's circumstances, and
one
Use synonyms
 of the best ways to protect yourself from difficult situations is to ensure you have financial stability. When challenges like
education
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
 issues arise, having
money
Use synonyms
 saved will help you overcome them. Essentially,
money
Use synonyms
 can provide the
life
Use synonyms
 you dream of; without it, overcoming difficulties becomes much harder.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction presents your opinion clearly, which is great. However, consider adding a brief outline of your main points to guide the reader through your essay.
coherence and cohesion
In the second paragraph, while you provide good examples about education, ensure that the connection between money saving and quality education is consistently highlighted throughout the paragraph for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your essay well. To enhance it further, you might restate your key arguments succinctly.
task achievement
You incorporate relevant examples effectively, but ensure that they directly relate back to your thesis in terms of what you are arguing about saving for the future.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear opinion and consistent argument throughout, which is commendable.
task achievement
You effectively use specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument significantly.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of your ideas is robust, making it easy for the reader to follow your reasoning.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays: