IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Companies should provide sport and social facilities for local communities. To what extend do you agree?

#companies #sport #facilities #communities
It is thought that
companies
 ought to sustain sport and social
facilities
 in order for local communities.Personally,I strongly agree with
this
 statement because of many factors,but there are good and bad reasons to discuss in
this
 essay. I reckon that as long as
companies
 should create
facilities
 for employees in order to gain confidence at the office ,it will be useful to build a friendship at
work
 and develop a team to acquire valuable rewards .
For instance
, Jek Ma is the creator of Alibaba and a successful businessman in recent years ,before he started his business ,he had attempted to build lifelong friendships among members of his team bad
also
 he was able to reach these things because of providing sport and social
facilities
 in his office.
As a result
 ,they tend to achieve high productivity at
work
 and
then
 employees are less likely to take a break from
work
.I deem that other
companies
 must pay attention to provide activities to their
workers
 enjoy working. Is it true that
companies
 always intend to earn money ,improve
Correct article usage
the
show examples
quality of
workers
 and
also
 avoid paying high salaries?If they support organising sports competitions and provide local
facilities
,it may cause some
workers
 to be irresponsible and they might lose their ability to
work
 properly.In some cases, some
workers
 have forgotten responsibility to do their duty as well in modern
companies
 of the world.
Therefore
,it has a bad aspect to
companies
 which are based high standard process and
then
 they do not think that these
facilities
 are essential for people. Bottom line , providing oppurtienes for
workers
 do depend on the manager because of how they manage to control worker's condition.
However
, it is fundamental to organise sport and social
facilities
 for local inhabitants in order to provide excitement and enjoyment
Submitted by odil_m on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • community well-being
  • corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • healthcare costs
  • public image
  • customer loyalty
  • economic growth
  • community relations
  • job satisfaction
  • balanced lifestyle
  • stimulate local economy
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