IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Companies should provide sport and social facilities for local communities. To what extend do you agree?

#companies #sport #facilities #communities
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It is thought that
companies
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 ought to sustain sport and social
facilities
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 in order for local communities.Personally,I strongly agree with
this
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 statement because of many factors,but there are good and bad reasons to discuss in
this
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 essay. I reckon that as long as
companies
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 should create
facilities
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 for employees in order to gain confidence at the office ,it will be useful to build a friendship at
work
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 and develop a team to acquire valuable rewards .
For instance
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, Jek Ma is the creator of Alibaba and a successful businessman in recent years ,before he started his business ,he had attempted to build lifelong friendships among members of his team bad
also
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 he was able to reach these things because of providing sport and social
facilities
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 in his office.
As a result
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 ,they tend to achieve high productivity at
work
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 and
then
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 employees are less likely to take a break from
work
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.I deem that other
companies
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 must pay attention to provide activities to their
workers
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 enjoy working. Is it true that
companies
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 always intend to earn money ,improve
Correct article usage
the
show examples
quality of
workers
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 and
also
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 avoid paying high salaries?If they support organising sports competitions and provide local
facilities
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,it may cause some
workers
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 to be irresponsible and they might lose their ability to
work
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 properly.In some cases, some
workers
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 have forgotten responsibility to do their duty as well in modern
companies
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 of the world.
Therefore
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,it has a bad aspect to
companies
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 which are based high standard process and
then
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 they do not think that these
facilities
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 are essential for people. Bottom line , providing oppurtienes for
workers
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 do depend on the manager because of how they manage to control worker's condition.
However
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, it is fundamental to organise sport and social
facilities
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 for local inhabitants in order to provide excitement and enjoyment
Submitted by odil_m on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • community well-being
  • corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • healthcare costs
  • public image
  • customer loyalty
  • economic growth
  • community relations
  • job satisfaction
  • balanced lifestyle
  • stimulate local economy
What to do next:
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