IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

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The
health
care
 system has enhanced over a couple of decades. With the new advancements, life expectancy
also
 increases. A new challenge for
society
 is to take
care
 of
elders
.
This
 essay will discuss the challenges,
society
 will face dealing with the rise in numbers of senior citizens.
Firstly
, the evolution of
health
facilities
 in the 21st century has enhanced the medical system. The main factor contributing to the success of
health
care
 is the advanced technologies and extensive research in the field of pharmacy. It not only increased the average life span of
people
 but
also
 found the treatment of incurable diseases. As the average life
age
 is increased, there emerges the need for
facilities
 and amenities for the
elders
.
For instance
, there is a lack of
facilities
 for
people
 above the
age
 of 60. Crucial amenities
such
 as wheelchair access, old
age
 homes, laws for their ease,
care
 homes namely. In my knowledge, there are various building norms that suggest ease of movement by providing ramps and elevators,
Also
 during the town planning, various amenities are planned in the master plan for
elders
.
However
, it is rarely executed.
Secondly
, The change in the scenario due to the advanced
health
facilities
, the major focus shifted towards the development
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
elders
.
People
 in old
age
 are as sensitive as a child.
Moreover
, they
also
 require special
care
. A few alterations in the laws can resolve
this
 issue.
For example
, Creating safe roads and safe environments, fast emergency service access, public spaces can be designed for old
age
people
 where they can socialize with
people
 of the same
age
, regular
health
 checkups and laws for their ease should be made. To summarise, It is the duty of
society
 to provide various beneficial resources to the senior citizens as they are
also
 an important part of the
society
.
Submitted by piyushgautam97531 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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