Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Many are of the belief that happiness is a result of financial success, while others claim that are more crucial elements involved in

this

Linking Words

achievement. In

this

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essay, I am going to discuss both points of view, and

then

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explain why I think a certain degree of economic stability is an ordinary requirement for a happy life but is less important than others elements. Those who argue that wealthy persons are happy claim that they can

affords

Change the verb form

afford

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a comfortable and enjoyable lifestyle.

For instance

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, currency purchase a marvellous house, fashionable clothes,

besides

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paying exclusive hotels. These possessions and experiences are responsible for pleasant moments, which help to provide wellness and enjoyment. On top of that, they declare that happiness is related to controlling the future. Given the financial stability, affluent individuals can live without concerns about their lives because they can pay for any service or product,

thus

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they are quite happy.

On the other hand

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, the majority of people argue that the most sustained sense of enjoyment is a consequence of true relationships and good health. A good illustration

for

Change preposition

show examples

this

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is the statement of the billionaire Warren Buffett. He recognized that his happiest moments were spent in the presence of loved ones during quotidian moments.

Moreover

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, sick individuals generally suffer from intense pain,

besides

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spending a lot of time with medical treatments. Unfortunately, they will be unable to experience a pleasant and happy life due to

the

Change the word

their

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lack of health. In conclusion, I believe both perspectives have their merits.

However

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, on balance, I think economic success is merely one of the pillars to achieve the desired happiness. As far as I am concerned, without health conditions and meaningful interpersonal bonds wealthy human beings never can experience

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

full prosperity.

Submitted by debi_quistina on Sat Sep 25 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to be become a good sportsperson or musician. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Compare between using e-book these traditional book

Some pepople spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?