IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor. What are some of the reasons for world poverty? How can the poor be helped? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#country #people #world #poverty #answers
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There is no denying the fact that
poverty
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 is a difficult issue around the world and it causes many problems for societies and governments.
This
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 essay will discuss some of the reasons
phenomenon
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 of
poverty
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 and the solutions that overcome
this
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phenomenon
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.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons for world
poverty
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.
Firstly
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, authority and society have their responsibility in the luck of forming the child from the beginning, and
this
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 could lead to being a poor person.
In other words
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, a poor child starts his life with no chance except working on the street work and ignoring education which minimizes his opportunities to receive a good job in the future.
In addition
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, weak planning and inability to resource his income could add complexity to his life.
For example
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, my friend his income is 2500 dollars but his expenses are over budget puts him a debt which is a difficult situation for him. In terms of solutions, authorities and government should build public houses and facilities that could help poor people. It is
also
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 possible to say that,
this
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 advantage could make those in
poverty
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 able to work with a clear mind.
Moreover
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, the government should focus on providing a program that could help poor children by giving them care access to a house and free study.
For instance
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, there is a true story of poor people whose lives were suffering and painful
however
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, they became happy because of government attention and care. In conclusion, there are many reasons for the
poverty
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phenomenon
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such
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 as lack of awareness and no interest from governments and authorities. It is
also
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 true that all humans have the responsibility to help and mitigate
this
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phenomenon
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such
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 as helping them by providing stuff.
Submitted by naif.waleead on

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Coherence & Cohesion
In your essay, try to avoid repetitive phrases such as 'phenomenon of poverty.' Instead, use synonyms or rephrase sentences to maintain reader interest.
Task Achievement
The arguments presented could be further enhanced with more varied examples or data to strengthen your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to ensure that your reasons for poverty and solutions directly correlate in your paragraphs. For instance, in solutions, explicitly show how the government programs will solve the issues mentioned.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a structured presentation of the topic.
Task Achievement
You have demonstrated understanding by suggesting specific ways through which governments could assist in alleviating poverty, such as providing housing and education.
Task Achievement
Personal experiences and examples, such as the anecdote about your friend and the true story, add authenticity to your discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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