IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that fathers should have time off from work after the birth of a baby. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #fathers #time #work #birth #baby
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Recently, based on gender equality, husband and wife must have the same level of responsibility for taking care of kids in a family.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
entity
Add an article
an entity
the entity
show examples
 of dad
time
Use synonyms
-off from work after a newcomer arrives should be considered. I strongly believe that there are numerous benefits if males spend
time
Use synonyms
 at home with their partners of giving
a
Remove the article
apply
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birth. One of the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 new policy is to eliminate the number of
depressed
Add an article
the depressed
a depressed
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mother
Change to a plural noun
mothers
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. Since females must deal with looking after
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a baby, new mothers may be anxious about a lot of housework which they have to do.
Thus
Linking Words
, the presence of
husband
Correct article usage
the husband
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 at that
time
Use synonyms
metally
Correct your spelling
mentally
show examples
 and physically supports by sharing those works. More interestingly, some research has shown that having a partner at home boosts
mother’s
Correct article usage
a mother’s
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homonre
Correct your spelling
hormone
home
 which
simulating
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stimulating
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 breast milk production,
which
Change preposition
in which
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 the amount of milk is produced less due to the level of stress of a mother. Another important point to be addressed is
Correct your spelling
interaction
in traction
intraction
Correct article usage
the intraction
show examples
 between a newcomer and his or her’s father. If a dad does not spend much
time
Use synonyms
 with babies, he will lose their self-improvement
such
Linking Words
 as crying, speaking, walking and so on.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they may not feel close to
Correct pronoun usage
their
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fathers even though dad
have
Change the verb form
has
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 strived to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 after they grew up.
For instance
Linking Words
, I feel more comfortable
to share
Change the verb form
sharing
show examples
 my own problems or stories with my mother rather than my father because I had played with him when I was a child. In conclusion, I totally agree that males should be allowed to break after their wives deliver babies due to its benefits for both mothers and newcomers.
Submitted by sokuntheary94 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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