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Band 6.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

#countries #consumers #supermarket #food #world #development
These days, technology is developing extremely quickly, and we can send our food products to other districts really fast;
as a result
, global inhabitants can buy goods from all over the world. In my opinion,
this
 is a positive development because
this
 thing can help
migrations
Replace the word
migrants
show examples
 to cook their own meals, and
people
 who cannot travel to other regions can taste other areas’ dishes. On the one hand, most of the
people
, who live in different areas, are not native, but they are immigrants living in their countries for some reasons
such
 as education, business, and other things; afterwards, these
people
 prefer to eat their own
foods
instead
 of other regions' meals; so that, these kind of markets help them to make our traditional meals.
For example
, I am from Iran and I used to spend 6 months in Russia for my father's job, so my mother bought Iranian things and made use of our
foods
due to
 the fact that Russian
foods
 were tasteless for us.
On the other hand
, some
people
 cannot find situations to travel to other countries;
therefore
, they have a position to try other customs
foods
 that need less money. To illustrate, I have not been having a trip to Korea;
furthermore
, I like hot food a lot
also
, my friends who had journey to Korea said hot noodle is the best thing that you can eat
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
;
then
 I could find
this
 product in Iran and I ate it.
To conclude
,
this
 way in which international citizens can try everything is the best thing for
people
 who leave their countries;
moreover
, society who cannot see other regions.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your paragraphs more clearly, ensuring each point is fully developed and distinct.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Expand your examples to fully support your arguments and make your points clearer.
task achievement
Focus on expressing your ideas more comprehensively, ensuring each point is thoroughly explained.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both the benefits for immigrants and those who cannot travel.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present, providing a good framework for your argument.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples were given, which support the main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
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