Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers

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It is true that wealthy individuals are well known for their success stories. They reach their personal goals along with the focus from

society

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However

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, there are many others who are not interested in becoming rich but want to put their effort to give valuable things back to

society

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. In my opinion, the later segment of

people

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is ahead in terms of success. On the one hand, individuals who earn a lot of money develop their own business along with a contrasting brand name.

For example

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, Bill Gates who is among the top ten richest

people

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in the world has created Microsoft and he is considered a legend by many.

Moreover

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, tycoons

such

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as Elon Musk are ,carrying out

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level technological research that enables

people

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to travel to Mars one day. They have become more successful by earning a lot of money rather than contributing directly towards charity work.

On the other hand

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, there are

people

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who are not aiming to be wealthy. They want to share what they have invented with

people

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without expecting any financial benefits. For an instance, some scientists have revealed the methods that they have used to find a cure for an illness rather than selling it to the highest bidder. Their actions may not be highlighted though many would benefit from it.

Furthermore

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, many of us have experienced the kindness of generous teachers who are devoted to teaching their students free of charge when they find that the relevant student has financial difficulties. In conclusion, earning a lot of money without contributing to

society

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can make you successful and famous.

However

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, what you give back to

society

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will be more useful in making the world a better place.

Hence

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, I believe that we all should focus more on that.

Submitted by suga.ek on Tue Sep 28 2021

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial prosperity
capitalizing
luxury travel
exclusive experiences
contributions to society
humanitarian workers
lasting impact
highly subjective
cultural, societal, and personal values
comfort and security
deeper personal satisfaction
holistic understanding

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