IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Healthcare should not be provided for free regardless of a person's income. The health of an individual is in their own hands. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The notion of providing
healthcare
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 based on a person’s income is one I do not agree with.
Although
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 a person’s
health
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 is their own responsibility, basic
healthcare
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 needs to be made available to the public. I do not believe in a free
healthcare
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 system, but
instead
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, one which is subsidized by the government, thereby protecting the middle and impoverished sections of humanity, whilst at the same time providing equal and fair treatment to the wealthy.
To begin
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 with, in many developing countries there are many
people
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 living below the poverty line, who are unable to buy basic medicine for treating even the simplest of problems. The main reason for
this
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 is the fact that many
people
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 are uneducated, and are working low-paying jobs.
For example
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, in Moldova, The rationalization of duplicated specialized services,
therefore
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, remains a key challenge facing the
health
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 system. Other challenges include
health
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 workforce shortages (particularly in rural areas) and improving equity in financing and access to care by reducing out-of-pocket (OOP) payments.
Secondly
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, my opinion is
further
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 bolstered by the factor that the good
health
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 of working employees defines the growth of the nation as employment sectors are largely responsible for proliferating the economy of the country. In
this
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 modern and hectic lifestyle,
people
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 are working relentlessly in various sectors
such
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 as education,
health
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, agriculture, and information technology,
as a consequence
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, the productivity of these areas leads to the development of the nation. Henceforth, to produce a healthy workforce for the betterment of the country, it is important for the government to provide
healthcare
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 facilities. The free medical coverage for the native
people
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 of the USA serves as the best example of
this
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 approach. In conclusion,
while
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 everyone is responsible for keeping themselves fit, in my perspective, the provision of medical subsidies by the government is vital not only for the financially poor
people
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 but
also
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 for the working professionals to uplift the economy of the country.

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task achievement
Ensure examples are relevant and clearly illustrate the points being made. It's helpful to provide more concrete evidence that supports your argument.
task achievement
Consider elaborating further on the points to provide a more comprehensive response and address potential counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a balance between detail and brevity in developing main points to improve coherence and avoid overloading the essay with information.
coherence cohesion
The introduction presents a clear stance on the topic and the conclusion effectively summarizes the writer’s opinion, which strengthens the essay’s structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure with well-organized paragraphs that each discuss a distinct aspect of the argument.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the situation in Moldova and the USA, adds depth to the argument and demonstrates an understanding of global issues.
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