Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in school and college. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this ?

#childhood #obesity #world #people #adverts #food #sweets #snacks #school #college

There is a problem in the developed world that has been concerned about, childhood health problems due to adverts for fast

food

, candy, and

snacks

. Some argue that these kinds of

food

ought not to be permitted in schools and institutes. From my point of view, I cannot entirely agree with

this

idea.

To begin

with, junk

food

, candies, and

snacks

should be allowed in educational places because all the foods have their positive effects and adverse effects, and these kinds of

food

also

have their positive things.

For example

, if we ate a small number of candies and

snacks

, it would be positive because candies either snack contain lots of calories that we need in a small portion, it helps children that not have lots of time to have energy in a short of time.

Moreover

, if we decide not to permit, it will against the regulation of free will, which is everyone can do what they want to do, if not break the laws.

However

, even for an adult, these kinds of

food

also

would be harmful if they ate a large portion. So, if we do not allow kids to have these foods in the institute, there will be a question about why adults can have it anywhere but children cannot. In summary, from the following paragraph and examples, I am afraid I have to disagree with the statements because every

food

can be harmful to the body in a more significant proportion than they suggest in one day.

Also

, they should teach kids to have exercise more than restricting their

snacks

or foods.

Submitted by pondssp on Thu Oct 07 2021

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in school and college. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this ?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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