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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some Industry leaders belive that children should learn computer programming in primary school.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#industry #leaders #belive #children #computer #school
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In recent years, teaching how to use computers to the kids since their first experience at school has become a subject of considerable debate and analysis. I believe technologies
such
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 as computers are the future of our children, despite
this
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 it is
also
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 important to consider teaching them manual
work
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 skills. On the one hand, learning computer programming from a young age could improve the probability of finding modern
work
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 all around the world.
While
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, in the new era, most jobs are focusing on creating programs to facilitate life,
this
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 would be an advantage for the kids of the new era.
Moreover
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, not being heavy manual
work
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 the expectation of life will improve.
For example
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, if a person works for thirty years in construction when is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time to retire his body will be tired and for sure he will not enjoy his deserved rest. But have the opportunity to
work
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 with a computer and may
work
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 from home,
also
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 when people are retired they still have the energy to play with their grandsons.
On the other hand
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, if the entire population follows the ideas of industry leaders to introduce the knowledge of some software to primary schools, humanity will soon face a lack of people able to use their hands to build.
Furthermore
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, the new generation will not be able to pass down important arts, and
as a result
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, most of the ancestor skills will be lost. In conclusion, I believe that staying updated with new technology can help the new generation to be one step forward, despite
this
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, it is
also
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 important to consider and safeguard all the manual skills handed down over the centuries of human history.
Submitted by 61verme on

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task achievement
Clarify your stance by stating more explicitly whether you agree or disagree with teaching children programming in schools.
task achievement
Expand on ideas to enhance clarity and depth of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets the tone for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear progression of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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