IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the use of mobile phones in public is as annoying as smoking and should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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 there is a belief that public use of your mobile
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
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 can bring a huge discomfort to the
people
Use synonyms
 around you.
While
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 I can understand and respect the opinion of other
people
Use synonyms
, I do disagree with
this
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 statement. In the following
paragraphs
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paragraphs,
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 I will elucidate my stance.
Firsty
Correct your spelling
Firstly
,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to smoking, using your mobile phone in public areas cannot actually harm anyone.
Moreover
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, there is
kind
Correct article usage
a kind
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 of invisible social agreement among
people
Use synonyms
 - I cannot control the actions of my surroundings,
thus
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 it`s not efficient to be angry because of minor
inconviniences
Correct your spelling
inconveniences
.
For example
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, if I watch the video loudly sitting on the bench in the park, I, in fact, can irritate some women nearby, but they cannot do anything
with
Change preposition
about
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 that, because we are in public, it is not their private area.
However
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, in case you are overstepping the limits of time frames
,
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apply
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 that allow you to behave in
such
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way
Correct article usage
a way
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,
for example
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, after 22:00, you have to be ready to meet the consequences
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such
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, such
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 as dealing with the police.
Secondly
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, you should take into consideration
,
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apply
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 that, in the modern age, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 use their mobile phones for work.
For instance
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, content creators, bloggers,
SMM-specialists
Correct word choice
and SMM-specialists
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 cannot live without their
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
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, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 basically
feeds
Correct subject-verb agreement
feed
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 them.
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Thus
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Thus,
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 the usage of devices is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 matter of survival for them. In my opinion, we are all, as a society that has no other choice than
interracting
Correct your spelling
interacting
 on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis, should develop inner respect and kindness towards each other, because there is no other way we can live peacefully.
Finally
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,
while
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 I think that using your phones in public is completely normal and usual, we should not forget about mutual respect and
bounderies
Correct your spelling
boundaries
. In the end, minding your own business can contribute greatly to the
overall
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 mental health of the community.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check for spelling mistakes. For example, 'firstly' is spelled incorrectly.
task achievement
Try to use clearer examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better and make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and stick to it throughout the essay.
task achievement
You provide reasons for your opinion which strengthens your argument.
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