IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the use of mobile phones in public is as annoying as smoking and should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays think that using smartphones in public is irritating and
should`nt
Correct your spelling
shouldn't
 be allowed. I strongly disagree with that statement and will explain my opinion in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
 it`s important to note that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
doesn`t
Change the verb form
don`t
show examples
 do any harm to other
people
Use synonyms
 like smoking
for example
Linking Words
, so the only reason I think some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 should be banned is because most
people
Use synonyms
 are not interested in speaking with them in public, that`s why the person they are talking to may
use
Use synonyms
 mobile phone during the conversation or some other activities.
Secondly
Linking Words
, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are actually beneficial, it`s convenient and easy to
use
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, you can find any information you need in seconds, or find any place at any time with the navigation and description of it, or you can just listen to music or watch some videos to relax. It becomes
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 problem if the person uses it all of the time without any breaks, but still,
Linking Words
at
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 the end, it doesn`t do any harm to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. So I don`t see any problem if
people
Use synonyms
 around me would
use
Use synonyms
 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 the whole time, I don`t care.
This
Linking Words
 leads to the point that the core issue lies within the person who thinks that
phones
Use synonyms
 in public should be banned, not the other way around. Mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 today are the thing that almost every human being
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
, and in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it`s very childish and selfish to say that
phones
Use synonyms
 in public places should be banned because
people
Use synonyms
 around me
use
Use synonyms
 them very often.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider further developing your points with more relevant examples to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence and cohesion
Try to maintain a more consistent structure in your paragraphs, ensuring each idea flows logically to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Include a clear conclusion summarizing your main points to reinforce your position on the topic.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and sets the tone for your argument.
task achievement
You provide a personal perspective which adds a unique touch to your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: