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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, people follow the latest fashion and hairstyles. In your opinion, what is influencing this? Is this a good or bad thing?

#countries #people #fashion #hairstyles
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Paris and Rome but not far
Tokyo
Change preposition
from Tokyo
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. In
Europe
Add a comma
,Europe
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 there are two main cities that
one
 of the principal news are focusing on
fashion
 and hairstyles.
Also
 in
Asia
Add a comma
,Asia
show examples
 we have Tokyo
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
one
 of the main important capitals in that continent not just because of pasarelas but
furthermore
 hairstyle, where always there are not just
Japanise
Correct your spelling
Japanese
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 but visitors from China, Corea and other countries that enjoy the new tendency of
new
Add an article
a new
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 hair cut.
One
 of the most profitable business is
fashion
,
that is
 covering by magazines, hotels, clothes brands and of course, all the companies related
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 malls where you can see the latest pasarellas and of course buy your new jacket or suite that you will love to use in your
next
 dinner night or these special event scheduled with your friends. If you add your new hair cut you will be the sensation of the night. If there are some
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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 of
fashion
Add an article
the fashion
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 industry, I can say that these
business
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businesses
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 request a lot of energy and time concern, and
one
 of the
reason
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reasons
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 is
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 the people inside are so
strictics
Correct your spelling
statistics
critics
 and the jobs are so demand, female and males are requested to be more than
profesional
Correct your spelling
professional
, they are always looking for excellences of
one
 artist. I can say there is
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of pros and
conts
Correct your spelling
cons
counts
 about
this
 business, but for all
people
Add a comma
,people
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 the good thing is that they get energy and
confidences
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confidence
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 when they are wearing the latest design of
Correct article usage
the hair
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hair cut
Correct your spelling
haircut
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 presented in the capital of
fashion
.
Submitted by florel1 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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