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Writing Samples
Band 7

It is the responsibility of school to teach children good behaivour aside formal education. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

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It is widely debated whether
schools
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 should be obligated to teach
students
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 good behaviours
in addition
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 to formal education.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 statement because as one of the major influences for
children
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 school helps develop their behavior and improve their interpersonal skills.
Firstly
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,
schools
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 can potentially train
students
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 to become better individuals in society.
This
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 is explained by the fact that educational facilities often encourage positive behaviours
such
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 as honesty, respect, kindness and responsibility.
Hence
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, by teaching these values to
students
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 through lessons,
schools
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 can help
students
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 foster empathy and understanding of each other.
For example
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, recent research concludes that if the social subject teaches
children
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 about moral responsibility and social communication,
then
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students
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 can develop their behaviour by themselves in real life.
Secondly
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, as a part of society,
students
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 can improve their personal abilities in school.
Moreover
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, by attending school
children
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 can learn how to handle conflict, resolve differences and communicate effectively. These skills allow
students
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 to have self-confidence in their personal and professional lives in the future.
For instance
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, a recent study found that the personal skills of
children
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 in childhood directly influence their career in their later life. In conclusion,
schools
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 are responsible for providing
children
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 with good behaviour during formal education because it helps
children
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 progress their behaviours and develop their social abilities.

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task achievement
Ensure the essay fully addresses all parts of the task by considering different perspectives (e.g., those who disagree with the statement). This will make your response more balanced and comprehensive.
task achievement
Further develop the ideas presented in each paragraph to add depth to the arguments made. For example, you can elaborate on how schools can implement practical methods to teach good behavior alongside formal education.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged. This can help improve the overall coherence and flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs by using a broader range of linking words and phrases. This will ensure smoother transitions and maintain the essay's logical structure.
task achievement
Clear and relevant examples provided to support the main points, such as research and studies that highlight the benefits of teaching good behavior in schools.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized essay with a logical structure. The introduction clearly presents the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of appropriate vocabulary and clear sentences to convey ideas. This helps in making the essay easily understandable and persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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