It is the responsibility of school to teach children good behaivour aside formal education. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

It is widely debated whether
schools
should be obligated to teach
students
good behaviours
in addition
to formal education.
This
essay agrees with
this
statement because as one of the major influences for
children
school helps develop their behavior and improve their interpersonal skills.
Firstly
,
schools
can potentially train
students
to become better individuals in society.
This
is explained by the fact that educational facilities often encourage positive behaviours
such
as honesty, respect, kindness and responsibility.
Hence
, by teaching these values to
students
through lessons,
schools
can help
students
foster empathy and understanding of each other.
For example
, recent research concludes that if the social subject teaches
children
about moral responsibility and social communication,
then
students
can develop their behaviour by themselves in real life.
Secondly
, as a part of society,
students
can improve their personal abilities in school.
Moreover
, by attending school
children
can learn how to handle conflict, resolve differences and communicate effectively. These skills allow
students
to have self-confidence in their personal and professional lives in the future.
For instance
, a recent study found that the personal skills of
children
in childhood directly influence their career in their later life. In conclusion,
schools
are responsible for providing
children
with good behaviour during formal education because it helps
children
progress their behaviours and develop their social abilities.
Submitted by janmuldayevaa1 on

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task achievement
Ensure the essay fully addresses all parts of the task by considering different perspectives (e.g., those who disagree with the statement). This will make your response more balanced and comprehensive.
task achievement
Further develop the ideas presented in each paragraph to add depth to the arguments made. For example, you can elaborate on how schools can implement practical methods to teach good behavior alongside formal education.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged. This can help improve the overall coherence and flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs by using a broader range of linking words and phrases. This will ensure smoother transitions and maintain the essay's logical structure.
task achievement
Clear and relevant examples provided to support the main points, such as research and studies that highlight the benefits of teaching good behavior in schools.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized essay with a logical structure. The introduction clearly presents the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of appropriate vocabulary and clear sentences to convey ideas. This helps in making the essay easily understandable and persuasive.

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