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Band 6.5

Some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#think #governments #support #people #care
There are several arguments with regard to the financial support of retirements.
Although
 there are some
people
 who think that it is a waste of money, I believe that governments must support them . On the one hand , Some argue that paying wages to aged
people
 who stopped working is not essential and governments should invest
this
 money in other parts. There might be more priority in which officials should spend the national budget on them .
For example
, in underdeveloped countries where there are not enough schools and hospitals, paying pension might be considered a
last
 priority
such
 as in Africa
people
 even do not have anything to eat or drink . In these places, so, it would be better to improve their sanitation and education systems as well as facilitating hospitals.
Moreover
,society should be modernised in terms of transportations to make commuting much easier for every citizen. Because, If these infrastructures are not developed or even repaired, a lot of accidents might happen.
On the other hand
, I agree with those who give the right to old
people
 to receive their pensions. There are a lot of scientists and professors who dedicated most of their precious adolescence to study and improve the life quality of their fellow citizens through their innovations . If they did not do all these activities, now we would not have a prosperous society.
Also
, as they used to work hard and handle so
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 problems and pressures , they might suffer from several illnesses.
Thus
, they can not work and if they did not receive at least their own right, how can they afford their life.
Furthermore
, these individuals did enough for their community and now it is a time to enjoy more from their time and have some relaxation . In conclusion, while it might be argued that it would be better
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 the national budget goes on more important issues, I believe that paying the pensions to the elderly is essential and it is their right.
Submitted by s.ghodrati75 on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement
  • financial support
  • social responsibility
  • comfortable and secure
  • reduces poverty
  • safety net
  • limited resources
  • fairness and equality
  • personal responsibility
  • independence
  • financial planning
  • saving
  • burden on the government
  • control over retirement
  • economic growth
  • private investment
  • combination of approaches
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