Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is
controverial
Correct your spelling
controversial
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
people
should spend
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
vast money on organizing the occasion for celebrating the important days
such
as a wedding, and a birthday
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
or these occasional events are essential to
people
and communities, which should be definitely arranged. In
this
essay, I will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
viewpoints, and
presumably
Add a comma
,presumably
show examples
advocate why
people
should have the celebrations. On the one hand, it is hard to reject that the cost of celebrating
organization
Correct article usage
an organization
show examples
is very expensive due to the procurement including foods, beverages, and entertainment that need to be offered to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
numerous guests.
For example
, my family had to spend
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
half of million baht in order to organize my sister's wedding for just a day, which the list of
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
consisted of dinner tables for 200 guests, a music band, a hotel room, wedding dresses, diamond rings, and an organizer.
Therefore
, it
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
to be a waste of money for organizing a costly wedding to just let others know that they are married.
On the other hand
, occasional
celebration
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
show examples
play a vital role in experiencing unforgettable moments. As we do not have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important events
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, it is worthwhile to pay for happiness. Obviously, It was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
remarkable moment for my sister, which seemed to be the best day of her life that all family members, friends, and important persons participated
her
Change preposition
in her
show examples
wedding, and spent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality time together.
Moreover
, the married celebration is considered as the tradition for Thai
people
.
For giving
Correct your spelling
Forgiving
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
respect to both parents of married couples,
this
wedding
celemony
Correct your spelling
ceremony
should be handled to officially announce that since today, both of them will
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
the same family.
Hence
, the role of
wedding
Add an article
the wedding
a wedding
show examples
is not only spending remarkable moments together
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
preserving the national tradition. In conclusion,
although
arranging the celebration will cost a huge amount of budget, I'm still
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the side that handling occasion is essential because it provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
valuable experiences to
people
and
also
follow
Change the verb form
follows
show examples
the national tradition.
Submitted by prokoh_ja_555 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • lavish parties
  • essential expenditures
  • financial stress
  • lasting memories
  • social bonds
  • emotional support
  • familial and social ties
  • mental health
  • community cohesion
  • cultural heritage
  • sense of identity
  • traditional practices
  • sense of belonging
  • continuity
  • unique cultural aspects
  • personal well-being
  • routine
  • life satisfaction
  • reasonable budget
  • cost-effective
  • potluck parties
What to do next:
Look at other essays: