What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #grandparents #generation #lack #exercise #computer #games #sites #tv #time

People

have different views as to whether lacking physical

activity

is an important factor to isolate younger

people

from their families. In my opinion, I completely agree with

this

statement, and the following example will be provided in order to support my point of view. One of the most important reasons why younger

people

isolate themselves from society is that technological devices are essential in decreasing the amount of physical

activity

in younger

people

since when

children

are completely engrossed with communication technology, they may not pay attention to do physical activities with their family members.

For example

, according to the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University, it revealed that 80% of

children

who play computer games or chat aimlessly on social networking sites

such

as Facebook, Twitter, and Line application tend to not participate in outdoor activities with others like exercise and meetings. Having said that, technological devices play a significant role in decreasing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

physical exercise in

children

. Another reason to support

this

is the fact that lack of physical exercise with others is a major contributor to antisocial behaviour.

This

is mainly because when

children

concentrate on addictive programs on social platforms, they tend to isolate themselves from family members and societies. To illustrate

this

, in recent news, it has been reported that virtually all

children

interested in watching TVs or movies on Netflix have a tendency to lose interest in face-to-face communication with other

people

, especially their family members.

As a result

, youngsters are most likely to become antisocial

people

. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly true that lacking physical

activity

is the important factor to isolate younger

people

from their families because technological advance is a key part of decreasing physical

activity

in youngsters, which leads to antisocial behaviour.

Submitted by 123456 on Thu Oct 14 2021

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

293 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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