Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

All over the world, the piece has been known for a long period through their traditional cultures and learn

Remove the article

music

a piece of music

show examples

music

from other countries whoever visit there. They admire that people can gather who has a distinct lifestyle and generation. In my perspective, I agree

Change preposition

with

show examples

this

statement and

also

will give the advantages of having

music

this

world.

To begin

with, most citizens from different countries have the tendency in listening

international

Change preposition

to international

show examples

song

Fix the agreement mistake

songs

show examples

more than

last

Change preposition

in last

show examples

decades. They want to change their

music

styles which not familiar with traditional ones in their own country. For an instant, Korean song is worldwide because they have a unique beat and is fascinating when the artist performs on the stage and differ in each album. The song is powerful which based on

Change preposition

apply

show examples

lifestyle.

Hence

, who is

big

Add an article

a big

show examples

fan of artists can persuade other ones to join

group

Add an article

the group

show examples

Furthermore

, the

music

has created the rhythm and melody which can motivate a brain in varying activities. Several

researches

Change the wording

types of research

pieces of research

kinds of research

show examples

have a result

that is

the brain can relax

itself

Remove the pronoun

apply

show examples

and

also

be activated by

listening

Add the preposition

tolistening

show examples

a tune.

For example

, psychologists investigated brain waves when they listened in various circumstances. The result was chemicals and wave signs that

was

Change the verb form

were

show examples

related to happiness and relaxation. In

this

study, the brains have been building

such

as enjoyment, peace and excite who typically listen and play

music

are accessible to make friends and enjoy with their life than those who do not.

Therefore

, the

music

makes

population

Correct article usage

the population

show examples

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

be extroverted even though they have not known before. In conclusion, there are many benefits to improve their skills to be sociable and learning the new matters in life. Indeed, we should have the musical club for exchange experiences and

also

encourage the producer as well.

Submitted by tugsaphorn.sun on Thu Oct 14 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

297 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In most sucessful organizations some people believe that communication between managers and workers are the most important factor,other people say that other factors are most important. discuss both views and give your opinion.

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Compare and contrast the advantages & disadvantages