IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extant do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
It is natural that
people
 tend to eat fast
food
 rather than healthy home cooking. In spite of an increasing number of workers do not have to go to work, it may be the cause of the sedentary lifestyle which is a huge impact on those who work from home. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 statement. Perhaps one of the main physical major problems is getting fat.
People
 may incline to obesity or inadequate development.
This
 is likely to happen more in most high standard living
countries
 than in developing
countries
.
For example
,
people
 have to go to the market in order to get organic
food
 in the latter
countries
 I have mentioned whereas they can order pre-packaged parcels online which is more convenient and affordable. But it contains a number of unhealthy ingredients like too much sugar, additional flavour and salt. If they consume
this
 kind of
food
 as the way they add these to the staple diet in daily routine, they would get some serious health problems
such
 as high blood pressure, diabetes and so on.
In other words
, while fast
food
 is only beneficial in the short term, its long term effects are gradually increasing. In the past few years, junk
food
 is creeping into day-to-day meal patterns especially in young children and teenagers. Big brands like
McDonalds
Change to a genitive case
McDonald's
show examples
 and Starbucks are particularly good examples. A number of
people
 in most of the western
countries
 are now faced with
such
 affairs and the statics are more growing significantly.
Therefore
, not only governments should impose a higher tax on
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
show examples
 of companies but
also
 start an initiative to raise awareness of the risks of the situations through health warnings on the packaging or through high profile influencers spreading
such
 a message. To sum up, there are undoubtedly benefits of junk
food
, various problems would stem from
this
 too. Individuals and government should participate together to ameliorate these issues.
Submitted by kyarnyo512 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: