IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many major cities are facing a housing crisis as they cannot provide enough land for new buildings. some local governments believe the problem could be solved by reassigning park lands for residential development, because this land would be better used for housing. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that the role of
science
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 should be focused only on enhancing human
lives
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.
This
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 essay totally agrees with
this
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 statement because
science
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 has contributed to environmental protection and medical advancements. On the one hand, there has been a clear example of how new technologies and research have helped human growth. The main factor that has been contributed by
science
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 is the protection of the environment. Scientific advancements in sustainable agriculture have led to increased food production and improved food security, directly benefiting societies and uplifting economies.
This
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 demonstrates how
science
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 can address hunger and poverty, ultimately saving the environment and humankind.
On the other hand
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, development in
science
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 and technology has contributed to enhancing health care. With the discovery of vaccinations, they have helped to improve the quality of life of humans.
For example
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, coronavirus vaccines help to overcome the disease and boost our immune systems.
Thus
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, in many factors,
science
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 and the advancement of technologies have helped to improve human
lives
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.
In other words
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, there are various aspects that are favoured by
science
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,
such
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 as in transportation systems and infrastructures. With the development of roads and cars, planes, and ships, they eventually contribute to the growth of nations' economies as they have made easier and more accessible global trade. In conclusion,
although
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science
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 has other sides to its work and research, the main focus should be to improve people's
lives
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.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
 the cooperation of higher authorities and individuals themselves, we can optimally reach to enhance and improve living beings'
lives
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.

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Task Response
The introduction is clear, but consider rephrasing the thesis statement to clearly indicate your position on the topic. Also, you could briefly mention the opposing view to show a more balanced argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically from one idea to the next. Some transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve the overall flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
Expand on the examples you provide. For instance, when discussing scientific advancements, including more specific examples or statistics can strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
Task Response
The essay effectively addresses the topic and expresses a clear opinion, which is a strong aspect of task response.
Task Achievement
You demonstrate a good understanding of the benefits of science, exploring various dimensions such as environmental protection and healthcare, which enriches your essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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