IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 9

Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts and beauty products to enhance their appearance .Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think there is a better way to spend it.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people exaggerate their appearance by spending a huge amount of their income to buy garb and certain products to enhance their looking. some of them believe that it is a perfect way to use cash for these products while others who are in the opposite view think that there are other different usages of money rather than clothes and beauty. In my opinion, I think there are much better ways to spend salary than focusing on outfits or haircuts.
First
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of all, some individuals think that the good appearance you have, the more opportunity you will find.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, these people dedicated a major proportion of their bank account to buying new clothes to enhance their looking and visiting the barber to have their hair cut. To cite an example, most job interviews are paying attention to the shape of the applicant to determine whether he is eligible to or not. As a consequence, these individuals are trying to follow the latest style in order to match their outer.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some persons think that spending wages on self-educated places or learning a new language is more efficient in their life.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they are concentrating on the outcome to know whether they spend the money in a good form or not.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, most of the top ten wealthiest men in the world are spending the majority of their wealth on education and enhancing aspects of human life
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of buying top-notch garb.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of that, the sense of humanities among society will remain if each person thinks more before trying to possess a new beauty product or having a modern haircut. In conclusion, some families think that buying new attire and products for beauty is the best idea to attract a bit of luck or attention whereas others think the learning and the development of the awareness are the ideal way to spend the income.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, both views have reasons for their beliefs but, in my view, I think the fund should be spent on areas
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as enhancing human conditions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Enhance appearance
  • Self-confidence
  • Social interactions
  • Professional appearance
  • Career advancement
  • Temporary vs. long-term benefits
  • Personal growth
  • Financial security
  • First impressions
  • Materialism
  • Meaningful pursuits
  • Strike a balance
  • Financial stability
  • Expenditure
  • Personal development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: