You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger?Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#minutes #topic #people #amounts #money #complexions #development

Nowadays there is an emerging trend of

beauty

treatments to appear to be more youthful, more and more people are spending large amounts of money on beautifying their complexions.

While

I agree that everyone wants to be a better version of themselves, I admit that we should not ignore the negative impact of the

beauty

industry. The increasing popularity of the trend of spending money on

beauty

is attributed to several subjective and objective factors. In terms of objectivity, the rise of social media like

beauty

apps has fueled an obsession with perfect skin, creating pressure to meet

beauty

standards.

Furthermore

, manipulation of the

beauty

industry

such

as bombardment of advertising and celebrity endorsement, exaggerates the functions of products to entice

women

to make purchases of them. Subjectively, feeling inferior about their body shape and skin, feeling inferior to others, makes

women

become obsessed, looking for ways to beautify themselves. It is these

effects

that make

women

fascinated and crazy about

beauty

, leading to negative

effects

Firstly

women

's use of impractical, ineffective products with high prices wastes money and causes financial

burden

Fix the agreement mistake

burdens

show examples

Secondly

, ineffective

beauty

products or cosmetic procedures can cause serious side

effects

, affect physical and mental health, and be

time consuming

Add a hyphen

time-consuming

show examples

Additionally

, focusing more on appearance,

Correct word choice

and ignoring

show examples

ignoring

Wrong verb form

ignore

show examples

important values in life,

such

as knowledge, experience, and

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

personalities

Fix the agreement mistake

personality

show examples

Similarly

, society is becoming more and more heartless, people only focus on appearance to evaluate people, creating an unrealistic

beauty

standard.

Finally

, expectations about appearance can cause great pressure, leading to anxiety, depression and low self-esteem if standards are not met. In conclusion, each person always tries to make themselves better.

However

, being aware of the harmful

effects

of excessive

beauty

and balancing

beauty

and self-care in a healthy way is very important.

Submitted by elsenglish16992 on Thu Oct 03 2024

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task achievement

Include more specific examples or anecdotes to enhance your arguments and make them more relatable.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using linking phrases or words for better coherence.

coherence cohesion

You have introduced the topic well, providing a clear context and stating your position on the issue.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a balanced view.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task well by explaining reasons why people want to look younger and discussing both the positive and negative aspects.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

293 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? what could be done to encourage people to buy local food.

ore and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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