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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some cultures, children are being told that they can achieve anything if they work hard.What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In today’s society, the issue of encouraging
children
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 through motivational messages has become increasingly significant.
While
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 some people believe that
this
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message
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 builds confidence and determination, others argue that it creates unrealistic expectations.
This
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 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 approach and provide a personal perspective. Personally, I believe that
while
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this
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message
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 can be empowering, it should be delivered with care. One major advantage is that telling
children
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 they can achieve anything with hard work helps them build a strong sense of self-belief and resilience.
For example
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, many successful athletes and entrepreneurs often mention that
this
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 mindset helped them overcome failure and persist through challenges.
This
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 indicates that
such
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 a belief system can foster perseverance and ambition.
Therefore
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,
this
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message
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 can be a powerful tool for motivating
children
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 to pursue their goals without giving up easily.
On the other hand
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, one major disadvantage is that
this
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message
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 may lead
children
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 to believe that effort always guarantees success, which is not always true in real life.
For instance
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, a child who works hard to become a professional singer may still not succeed
due to
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 factors like talent, opportunity, or luck.
This
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 suggests that if
children
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 fail despite their efforts, they may feel confused, disappointed, or even blame themselves.
Thus
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,
while
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 the
message
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 is positive, it can result in emotional pressure or unrealistic expectations if not explained properly.In conclusion, telling
children
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 that they can achieve anything through hard work has both strengths and drawbacks.
Although
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 the issue is complex, I believe that the
message
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 is valuable when paired with realistic guidance and emotional support.It is recommended that parents and educators should inspire
children
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while
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also
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 teaching them about the challenges and uncertainties of life.

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples or details to support your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next for better clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the main points and your personal perspective.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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