IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people today prefer to get advice for medical problems and do not want to visit a doctor. Why is this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

#people #advice #visit #doctor #development
Some people tend to consult about their medical issues in
drugstore
Correct article usage
a drugstore
show examples
instead
 of visiting a doctor.
However
 preparing drugs without consultation with a doctor may
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 some consequences, it decreases lots of expenses. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developments have their advantages and disadvantages which will
illustrated
Change the verb form
be illustrated
illustrate
show examples
 in
this
 essay. In some
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 self-treatment is
such
 popular that people visit doctors only in urgent and critical positions. One of the benefits of self-treatment is
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
.
For instance
,
instead
 of waiting in clinics and doctors’ offices several hours to be visited, you can buy the drugs you need in
a drugstores
Correct the article-noun agreement
drugstores
a drugstore
show examples
 directly.
In addition
, in some
areas
Add a comma
,areas
show examples
 there are plenty of herbal drugs which can help you to overcome your illness and in most cases they are effective. These days treatments fee is high significantly;
therefore
, it does not worth
to visit
Change the verb form
visiting
show examples
 a doctor for simple problems like
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
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,
stomachache
Fix the agreement mistake
stomachaches
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,
cold
Fix the agreement mistake
colds
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 and so on.
Although
 not visiting doctors can reduce expenses and save time, there are some aftereffects which sometimes are very perilous.
Firstly
, some
medicines
 have several side effects and people should be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 them before consumption. To illustrate, there are a bunch of
medicines
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 take consumers to sleep and if someone
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
medicines
 while driving and do not know about
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 side effects, it may
causes
Change the verb form
cause
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 a horrible car accident.
Secondly
,
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
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 detection causes unsuitable
medicines
 consumption which may result in serious problems and death occasionally. To conclude, generally if somebody
buy
Change the verb form
buys
show examples
 a medicine for a simple problem base on the knowledge which they have about their body may be effective, they should be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 its marginal effects and
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
show examples
 of unsuitable drug usage though. From my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 self-treatment is a positive development if it
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 done logically.
Submitted by poooria on

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