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Band 6

9.Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sports #events #products #people #impact
It has been pointed out that promoting their items in several game events has been carried out by large organizations, and some individuals opine that
this
 trend is detrimental to athletics. Personally, I completely disagree with
this
 idea as advertising products through campaigns is beneficial to the development of sports and the quality of matches. First of all, the top level
of
Change preposition
apply
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companies promote their goods via several well-known pastimes matches
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
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 the advancement of
pastime
Correct article usage
the pastime
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 itself. The reason is that a huge number of people who are massive fans of products can be attracted to watch
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sports tournaments that are supported by famous brands, which increases the popularity of tournaments.
For instance
, during the Australia Open period, Country
road
Capitalize word
Road
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 as a sponsor is permitted to establish stores at the entrance of stadiums. A vast majority of fans of Country
road
Capitalize word
Road
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 who would like to purchase limited clothes need to buy a ticket to enter the Melbourne arena, which contributes to the promotion of tennis.
Furthermore
, inviting large companies to advertise goods on campaigns can bring economic benefits to tournament committees.
This
 is because if companies are allowed to put their commercials in the middle of matches, they need to give a huge amount of money to athletics organizations.
As a result
, committees are less likely to worry about their funding and have sufficient funds to arrange matches, which increases the quality of competition. As an illustration, the members of the committee of the NBA say that as most of our sponsors need to spend 10 million every year promoting their products in basketball games, we are able to pay ample attention to other areas
such
 as maintaining facilities of courts, leading to providing more exciting matches to audiences. In conclusion,
although
 people may vary in their opinion about whether being allowed to promote goods in sports matches has advantages or not, I am opinion that
this
 situation results in more benefits in terms of the development of athletics and the quality of competitions.
Submitted by strawberry.guan on

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clarity
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examples
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cohesion
Work on transitions between paragraphs to make the essay flow even more smoothly.
introduction
Your introduction provides a clear stance and sets the tone for the essay, which is excellent.
examples
The essay provides relevant specific examples to support the main points, contributing to a well-rounded argument.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reiterates your stance clearly, providing a strong end to the essay.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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