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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Mobile phone usage alleviated significantly
this
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 decade.
This
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 led to the transformation of humans’ lifestyles. Nowadays, people can communicate from any two spots on the planet in less than a
second
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.
Moreover
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,
one
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 can be in a country and manage his business in other countries through mobile phone.
However
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, mobile
phones
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 can be fatal sometimes when used extensively on social
media
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. In my ,opinion mobile
phones
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 are an indispensable tool in our daily lives.
Although
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 it has some drawbacks, the benefits overweigh them. The benefits of mobile
phones
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 are numerous.
For instance
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, international students who live abroad
use
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 their
phones
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 to contact their families each day. If
one
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 had to choose between contacting his family every day or do not
use
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 cell
phones
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, what would he choose? Of course, to contact them.
Furthermore
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, some businesses are operated remotely and allow their owners to gain an immense amount of money in a few seconds. Not only that, but
also
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one
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 can trade stocks through mobile apps,
instead
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 of contacting brokers, which is
also
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 easier using
phones
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, or logging into his laptop or pc. Numerous cases of social, and medical problems were reported due to the extensive
use
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 of mobile
phones
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.
Loneliness
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 is
one
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 of the social problems that arose after the spread of using mobile
phones
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, especially with teenagers. At
this
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 age, teenagers should be going out meeting new people and attending school classes.
However
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, numerous cases of
loneliness
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 were reported for students at
this
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 age.
One
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 of the main causes for
this
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loneliness
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 was the over usage of their
phones
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 as they get affected by social
media
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. Some students can hear bad comments on their shapes or get ignored by some of their friends on social
media
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, which significantly affect their mental health and can lead to
loneliness
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 and depression.
However
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, if the
use
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 of social
media
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 is properly monitored by parents,
one
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 could avoid
such
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 problems.
Furthermore
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, introducing awareness classes in school about the misuse of social
media
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 can be
also
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 an excellent solution for these issues. To conclude,
phones
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 play an important role in our daily lives and people cannot live without them. It has some drawbacks that can be solved in different ways other than stopping its
use
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 forever.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • cyberbullying
  • screen time
  • data privacy
  • identity theft
  • financial fraud
  • eye strain
  • sleep disorders
  • chronic issues
  • productivity
  • notifications
  • validation
  • self-esteem
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