IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

When new towns are planned , it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shoping centres. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#towns #parks #sports #facilities #centres
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While planning new towns,some
people
Use synonyms
 argue to construct
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
parks
Use synonyms
 and gyms rather than shopping
malls
Use synonyms
. I, for one, believe that both
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities and shopping paradises are important for establishing a
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
show examples
town
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
disquition
Correct your spelling
disquisition
 will delve deeper into the reasons supporting my perspective in the upcoming paragraphs. The belief that public
parks
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities should introduce in a
town
Use synonyms
 can be attributed to the fact that nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 follow
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 and hectic
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
. Due to
this
Linking Words
, they completely ignore their health. If there will be playgrounds and
sports
Use synonyms
 club nearby their places, it is more likely that they will spend
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 in
such
Linking Words
 activities which helps them to keep their body fit and fine.
For example
Linking Words
, in western countries like U.S.A and Canada, government spend huge money on developing public gardens and
provides
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 different exercise
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 to encourage
people
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Add an article
a workout
the workout
show examples
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
, which actually results in better health
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the residents of
area
Add an article
the area
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is necessary to take
parks
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 into priority while considering
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a new
town
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 it cannot deny that public recreational grounds and games
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 proven beneficial for the local
people
Use synonyms
, the importance of constructing shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 cannot be ignored.
Firstly
Linking Words
, shopping centres provide easy access to the
people
Use synonyms
 for buying any kind of stuff under one roof as they accommodate hundreds of stores of different brands and items in itself.
Secondly
Linking Words
, shopping plazas generate employment in a
town
Use synonyms
. They provide
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of job opportunities to the
people
Use synonyms
 and help them in earning their livelihood.
For example
Linking Words
, shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 and big showrooms provide 5% of total employment even to
illetrate
Correct your spelling
illiterate
illustrate
people
Use synonyms
 in Bengal by offering them jobs in
service
Add an article
the service
show examples
 sector
such
Linking Words
 as helpers, drivers,
secruity
Correct your spelling
security
 and so on.
Besides
Linking Words
,shopping paradises
also
Linking Words
 act as a symbol of royalty
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cities. The more, the number of lavish shopping
malls
Use synonyms
, the more, the city is considered developed. To conclude, both
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities and shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 play
Add an article
an
show examples
indispensable role in establishing a
town
Use synonyms
 as
parks
Use synonyms
 and gyms help to attain good health whereas shopping centres provide easy access and employment for
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by johaljassi10 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: