IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

When new towns are planned , it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shoping centres. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#towns #parks #sports #facilities #centres
While planning new towns,some
people
 argue to construct
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
parks
 and gyms rather than shopping
malls
. I, for one, believe that both
sports
 facilities and shopping paradises are important for establishing a
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
show examples
town
.
This
disquition
Correct your spelling
disquisition
 will delve deeper into the reasons supporting my perspective in the upcoming paragraphs. The belief that public
parks
 and
sports
 facilities should introduce in a
town
 can be attributed to the fact that nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 follow
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 and hectic
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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. Due to
this
, they completely ignore their health. If there will be playgrounds and
sports
 club nearby their places, it is more likely that they will spend
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 in
such
 activities which helps them to keep their body fit and fine.
For example
, in western countries like U.S.A and Canada, government spend huge money on developing public gardens and
provides
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 different exercise
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 to encourage
people
for
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to
show examples
Add an article
a workout
the workout
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workout
Correct your spelling
work out
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, which actually results in better health
of
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for
show examples
 the residents of
area
Add an article
the area
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.
Therefore
, it is necessary to take
parks
 and
sports
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 into priority while considering
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a new
town
.
Although
 it cannot deny that public recreational grounds and games
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 proven beneficial for the local
people
, the importance of constructing shopping
malls
 cannot be ignored.
Firstly
, shopping centres provide easy access to the
people
 for buying any kind of stuff under one roof as they accommodate hundreds of stores of different brands and items in itself.
Secondly
, shopping plazas generate employment in a
town
. They provide
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of job opportunities to the
people
 and help them in earning their livelihood.
For example
, shopping
malls
 and big showrooms provide 5% of total employment even to
illetrate
Correct your spelling
illiterate
illustrate
people
 in Bengal by offering them jobs in
service
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the service
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 sector
such
 as helpers, drivers,
secruity
Correct your spelling
security
 and so on.
Besides
,shopping paradises
also
 act as a symbol of royalty
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cities. The more, the number of lavish shopping
malls
, the more, the city is considered developed. To conclude, both
sports
 facilities and shopping
malls
 play
Add an article
an
show examples
indispensable role in establishing a
town
 as
parks
 and gyms help to attain good health whereas shopping centres provide easy access and employment for
people
.
Submitted by johaljassi10 on

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