Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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Some believe that
success
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originates from industrious
working
Replace the word
work

The word working doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and strong determination, while others hold a perspective that fortune and physical beauty are more significant. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both opinions but I personally stand with the former
one
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.
People
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think that dedication and decisiveness are key contributors to
success
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because these personal qualities can help individuals gain more experiences and make wiser decisions. Specifically, an employee is more likely to be promoted if he or she
dedicate
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dedicates

The verb dedicate does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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more time to learning another language or gaining more work-related skills.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a decisive manager can always make the best decision in a very short time, which can help the company to gain
edge
Add an article
an edge

The noun phrase edge seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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over competitors. From my
perpective
Correct your spelling
perspective

The word perpective is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

, a person who is
dilligence
Correct your spelling
diligent
diligence

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and decisive will never stop chasing the dream once the individual sets the goal.
One
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will be
successfual
Correct your spelling
successful

The word successfual is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

eventually because he or she can always overcome obstacles and quitting is never an option.
On the other hand
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, it is a common opinion that personal finance and charming appearance make
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
Change the verb form
apply

It appears that the verb to reach should be in the bare infinitive form. Consider removing to from in front of this verb.

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reach a peak of
the
Change the word
their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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career and life. Considering human nature,
people
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tend to prefer beautiful creatures rather than ugly ones.
Therefore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a good-looking person gains not only attention but
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

favours from others,
as a
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

result
Add the comma(s)
,result

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter as a result. Consider adding the comma(s).

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have better opportunities or platforms to show
one
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's abilities
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb comparing. Consider changing it.

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to regular-looking individuals. Meanwhile, being wealthy is another essential factor of achieving
success
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

because seed money is crucial to
entreprenuers
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs

The word entreprenuers is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

and investors. There is a saying:" The rich get richer and the poor get poorer."
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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means better-off
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can easily grab great investment opportunities right away and achieve lifetime
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals

It seems that goal may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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faster.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb comparing. Consider changing it.

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to personal qualities that
one
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can really own, gifted factors will come and go and never
last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

money and appearance have
influence
Add an article
an influence

The noun phrase influence seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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on achievement, it seems to me that
dilligence
Correct your spelling
diligence

The word dilligence is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

and decisiveness are more vital and reliable contributors to
success
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
What to do next:
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