Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Some believe that
success
originates from industrious
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
and strong determination, while others hold a perspective that fortune and physical beauty are more significant. In
this
essay, I will discuss both opinions but I personally stand with the former
one
.
People
think that dedication and decisiveness are key contributors to
success
because these personal qualities can help individuals gain more experiences and make wiser decisions. Specifically, an employee is more likely to be promoted if he or she
dedicate
Change the verb form
dedicates
show examples
more time to learning another language or gaining more work-related skills.
Moreover
, a decisive manager can always make the best decision in a very short time, which can help the company to gain
edge
Add an article
an edge
show examples
over competitors. From my
perpective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, a person who is
dilligence
Correct your spelling
diligent
diligence
and decisive will never stop chasing the dream once the individual sets the goal.
One
will be
successfual
Correct your spelling
successful
eventually because he or she can always overcome obstacles and quitting is never an option.
On the other hand
, it is a common opinion that personal finance and charming appearance make
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
reach a peak of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
career and life. Considering human nature,
people
tend to prefer beautiful creatures rather than ugly ones.
Therefore
, a good-looking person gains not only attention but
also
favours from others,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
have better opportunities or platforms to show
one
's abilities
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to regular-looking individuals. Meanwhile, being wealthy is another essential factor of achieving
success
because seed money is crucial to
entreprenuers
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
and investors. There is a saying:" The rich get richer and the poor get poorer."
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
means better-off
people
can easily grab great investment opportunities right away and achieve lifetime
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
faster.
However
,
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
to personal qualities that
one
can really own, gifted factors will come and go and never
last
. In conclusion,
although
money and appearance have
influence
Add an article
an influence
show examples
on achievement, it seems to me that
dilligence
Correct your spelling
diligence
and decisiveness are more vital and reliable contributors to
success
.
Submitted by lslethan on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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