IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of each others. To what extent do you agree.

#people #travel #country
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I agree with
this
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 notion to a large extent that, folks travelling outside of their home country are more
accomodating
Correct your spelling
accommodating
 and empathetic towards others. There are many reasons surrounding it.
Although
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, some people might think
otherwise
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. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss both views in detail and give my reasons. To start with, there are many cultures all around the world. Travelling not only makes us rich in experiences but
also
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 shows
many
Correct pronoun usage
us many
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 possibilities. Learning from own experiences and conversing with other countrymen helps in seeing various perspectives.
This
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 practice makes us more open-minded and welcoming towards one another. Only by travelling and experiencing it firsthand can we know
this
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.
For example
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, those who have travelled to Japan can witness that speaking in a humble tone can achieve great results without shouting at one another because Japanese folks are very soft-spoken and great networkers.
Thus
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, I feel that journies to other territories can make us wise and humble.
On the other hand
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, the public who do not travel much, live in their own cocoon of thoughts which limits their imagination.
Thus
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, it makes them closed-minded and judgemental.
For instance
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, older folks in my country, who have not had journies in their lives except within India, have a very rigid attitude towards foreigners. Their lack of travel and
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 may have made them biased. With
such
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 thinking, we can not survive and be happy for long.
To conclude
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, I completely agree that travelling is a great experience that assists us in thinking outside the box and becoming very open towards others that encourage collaboration and
grates
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great
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 possibilities.
Submitted by bhagya.jog on

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task response
To improve task response, ensure that you directly address all parts of the task prompt. Make sure your arguments are clearly related to the topic and provide specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas in a more logical manner. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly introduce and summarize your main points respectively. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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