Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work?

In recent years, the number of

children

who get involved in paid

work

has significantly improved. [Background sentence] While some people think that it is advantageous for them in many ways, others are of the opinion that

this

can bring out a set of concerns. [paraphrase]

To begin

with, one benefit of doing paid

work

is that

this

enables

children

to boost their employability.

This

is because when they take part in jobs, they not only learn necessary practical

skills

such

as computer

skills

, but they

also

acquire certain social

skills

such

as managing customers. It is often seen that employers, nowadays, look for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

candidates who have both practical

skills

and good academic qualifications.

Besides

, when they

work

hard, they can understand the value of

money

and learn important

money

management

skills

because they realize that

money

does not come without putting

any

Change preposition

in any

show examples

effort.

Therefore

, they don’t spend

money

on unnecessary items whereas their peers not doing any

work

possess items that they use very rarely.

However

, paid

work

can

also

cause some problems for

children

Firstly

, their main duty is to study hard and prepare for the future, but if they somehow focus on

money

too much, their academic results can be affected. If

this

happened, the effects could turn out to be very destructive for their career because

with

Add the comma(s)

,with

show examples

a poor result, they will not be able to

enroll

Change the spelling

enrol

show examples

at a top university in their country. Another negative outcome is that they might be negatively affected by their colleagues.

Children

are always vulnerable, and they prefer to follow adults, so if the adults in their workplace have some bad habits like drug addiction or even smoking, there is a risk that they can copy them. To sum up, despite the advantages of

children

doing paid

work

, it is important to consider its drawbacks

otherwise

our beloved

children

might lose their career path as there is a chance of making poor academic results and getting involved in anti-social

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

Submitted by Sayeed Sajeeb on Fri Nov 26 2021

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

331 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

beneficial
harmful
advantages
disadvantages
financial independence
responsibility
valuable skills
impact
education
exploitation
negative effects
social life

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Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work?

Fully explain your ideas

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you work for a large corporation. You want to apply for one month's leave owing to illness. Write to your manager requesting leave for the same. In your letter • introduce yourself • describe about your illness • inform the manager how you intend to manage your job assignment in your absence

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