IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many believe that it is important to protect all wild animals, while others think that it is important to protect some, not all of them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#animals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 diverse ecosystem, each species has its significant value. There is an argument on the protection of wildlife in which few suggest concentrating on the preservation of a few groups would
e
Correct your spelling
be
 sufficient
enough
Rephrase
apply
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 others support the point of holistic wildlife conservation. I would recommend protection on
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 scale.
This
Linking Words
 essay will give an insight into my approach. capricious weather conditions have led to the extension of a few species and forced a few others on the verge of extension. Some people suggest protecting these endangered animals by taking necessary steps, in order to balance the ecosystem. A case in point is a recent activity taken by the Punjab government to restore dolphin habitat in the Ganga
river
Capitalize word
River
show examples
. Though environment activists lauded
this
Linking Words
 ideology on a primary level,they brought up the different view
that is
Linking Words
 needed to be considered for
long-run
Correct word choice
long-term
show examples
 prosperity, which is taking into account the entire wildlife. The reasons stated for
this
Linking Words
 are everything in
this
Linking Words
 complex environment is interdependent.If we consider Punjab's approach, it was not successful to the desired level despite spending a fortune
over
Change preposition
on
show examples
 it because though the river is cleaned, the government failed to maintain optimal food levels for the habitat as the population of small fish is not taken into account. one variable is affected by a food crisis because of the loss of the other. We can conclude that, for effective balance and diversification, All living creatures need to be taken into account. It is just a staircase, if one step is damaged there will be discontinuity and slow deterioration of the entire pyramid.
Submitted by jatinkochar1993 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring that the ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner. Expand the introduction and conclusion to provide a more comprehensive overview of your essay. Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address the prompt and provide a balanced discussion of both views. Expand on your ideas to provide a more comprehensive response, and provide more specific examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • natural habitats
  • ecological balance
  • biodiversity
  • confinement
  • natural stimuli
  • psychological problems
  • genetic homogeneity
  • environmental changes
  • adapt and evolve
  • survival of the fittest
  • social structures
  • communication patterns
What to do next:
Look at other essays: