IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the ad vanatges of owning a smartphone putweigh the disadvantages

#world #people #smartphone #ad #vanatges #putweigh
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It is argued whether the benefits of buying a smartphone outweigh its drawbacks.
This
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 writer believes that the entertainment and contacts of the smartphone outweigh the disadvantages of sleeping disorders. The most advantageous factor of having smartphones is that they can help
people
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 relax after a stressful day.
This
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 is because smartphones provide us with a variety of apps or online activities to entertain
such
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 as playing games, watching films or chatting with friends. Extensive research has shown that
people
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 who use their phones for relaxing purposes tend to work more efficiently the next day.
Thus
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, having a
phone
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 can help
people
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 to increase productivity. Contacts must
also
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 be considered. It must be recognized that the mobile
phone
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 has a great function of communicating, it can help
people
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 to exchange information with others face-to-face,
moreover
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, it can really help in emergency situations.
For example
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, when
people
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 get stuck in their car
while
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 travelling in a remote area, they can use their
phone
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 to call for assistance.
However
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, using mobile phones can have a negative effect on our health, particularly sleeping disorders.
This
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 is because smartphones can generate blue light through their screens and
this
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 can make our eyes become weaker.
This
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 point may be true, but turning on the blue light filter mode and avoiding using the
phone
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 before going to bed, these actions can reduce the effects of blue light significantly. Taking all points into account, the entertainment and contact benefits outweigh the disadvantages of sleeping disorders.
Therefore
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,
this
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 essay has demonstrated that owning a smartphone is more
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introduction conclusion present
Even though your introduction attempted to set a clear thesis, it lacked a proper conclusion to summarise your argument fully. It's essential to write a clear conclusion that encapsulates your main points and restates your position to strengthen the impact of your essay.
logical structure
Your essay has a recognisable structure, but the transition between ideas is not always smooth. Aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to enhance clarity and flow. Consistency in argument development is key to making your essay more coherent.
supported main points
Your main arguments were relevant but make sure to fully elaborate on your points and support them with a wider variety of examples. Using diverse and detailed evidence strengthens your essay and gives credence to your arguments.
complete response
You have addressed the questions partially, providing some arguments for your viewpoint. However, you need to ensure that you explore all parts of the task statement thoroughly. Make sure to cover all aspects of the question asked, not only the parts you feel most comfortable discussing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your response indicates a knowledge of the topic with some attempt to clarify your ideas. Enhancing clarity by defining key terms, offering more detailed explanations, and linking your points to the core idea can improve comprehensiveness.
relevant specific examples
You provided a specific example but could expand on this by incorporating a variety of examples to illustrate your points better. Try to demonstrate points with evidence pertaining to different perspectives or contexts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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