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Band 7.5

SOME INDIVIDUALS SAY THAT INDIVIDUALS WHO MAKE A LOT OF MONEY ARE THE MOST SUCCESSFUL. OTHERS THINK THAT THOSE WHO CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY LIKE SCIENTISTS AND TEACHERS ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL. DISCUSS BOTH THE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

#individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers
That means
people
 are successful is a controversial topic. While some
people
 believe that the most successful
people
 are very rich definitely, others think that successful
people
 always contribute to society.
This
 essay, as my opinion leads to, will try to elaborate on both points of view and my own opinion with some considerations. To commence with, I personally believe that it is true that a great number of
people
 are able to understand easily that the rich are successful.
In other words
, salary is one of the visual standards that help
people
 to understand who they are. It is mainly because the most successful
people
 absolutely have the highest quality of life.
For example
, they can buy supercars like Lamborghini and many luxury bags.
In addition
, they live on the top floor of the apartment which has fine views of the city. In comparison to them, the average
people
 cannot afford to buy these cars and they live in the normal apartment building.
Therefore
, there is no doubt that rich
people
 are the most successful because the more money they have, the higher quality of life they can get.
On the other hand
, it is should be noted that how much contribution to society is
also
 a crucial criterion. One of the reasons is that workers like scientists and teachers have bigger effects on
people
. What is more, another reason is that these jobs are one of the important parts in order to solve social problems.
For instance
, my parents are both teachers and they teach not only knowledge about some fields but
also
 essential things like morals or harmony that students will use in the future. When it comes to education, there is nobody who is the most successful than teachers.
That is
 why workers who contribute to society in different kinds of fields should be considered as successful men. To sum up, it is true that both standards can mean who are the most successful;
however
, I think that the former's idea is better because money represents the social state of
people
 directly.
Submitted by Alex on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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