IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People are now living much longer lives than before and many feel we should remain in the workforce for longer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

7.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In recent times,
people
Use synonyms
 are beginning to live to an older
age
Use synonyms
 than before and
people
Use synonyms
 feel they should retire at an older
age
Use synonyms
, too. From my point of view, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view since
people
Use synonyms
 who have worked for a long
time
Use synonyms
 need to rest and spend more quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their family.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is a common trend to start work from around the
age
Use synonyms
 of 16 upwards.
This
Linking Words
 means that many
people
Use synonyms
 will remain in employment for over 40 years or 4 decades.
This
Linking Words
 means that
people
Use synonyms
 who have worked for
such
Linking Words
 a long
time
Use synonyms
 could be physically tired as well as mentally drained - they may need an extended rest. It is
also
Linking Words
 true that working life can be limited in terms of hobbies and interests.
For example
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 retire they are often able to visit places around the world they have never been able to travel to before.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason to stop
people
Use synonyms
 from working well into their senior years is to allow them to spend some real quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their family and peers. Whilst in full-
time
Use synonyms
 work, many
people
Use synonyms
 sacrifice spending
time
Use synonyms
 with their family to provide money and support financially
instead
Linking Words
. When
people
Use synonyms
 retire they should be allowed to spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 with their family, which they might not have done previously.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are retired can support their extended family by providing childcare for young families.
Conclusion
There are many reasons that
people
Use synonyms
 may need to stay in work into their later lives than others require.
However
Linking Words
, in conclusion, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to retire at a young
age
Use synonyms
 to fully enjoy themselves and spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their families.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
  • 6
    band

    in some countries, people are hiring a personal fitness trainer rather than playing sports or doing exercise classess what are the reason for this is this a positive or negative develpment

    Private trainers are in higher demand in several countries. Conducting the trainers has more benefit in performing sports or physical exercise as they can likely scan through a diet habit and the abilities of individuals that can perform during the session. I believe that there would be a positive impact from getting a private trainer instead of doing class activities. Nowadays, more and more people build a healthy habit by making time to go to the gym and eating clean. Going to the gym doesn't help a person get into shape; thus, this is where the private instructor gets involved. To be honest, hiring the instructor is costly, but he or she helps to advise on good posture as well as knows various types of exercise that can benefit the targeted body parts. For example, adding extra weight to certain exercises when they believe that their trainee is capable. Moreover, fitness trainers are more likely to give suggestions on the series of meals that are essential for the body during the...
  • 6
    band

    What are your Achievements in 2023 and Revolutions in 2024

    Many things happened in 2023, and there were revolutions in 2024. Last year was a year of surprise and happiness because we bought a new house and gained Canadian citizenship. Firstly, my family was so lucky when we bought a house. We were fortunate because we found a pretty cheap house, but the house is still beautiful, big, and near everything. Our house was near school, the mall, and even downtown, making our transportation faster and taking less time. Secondly, we finally gained Canadian citizenship. My mom studied and worked hard every day for this. She spent time daily improving her English skills for IELTS and working hard to gain some plus points for a better chance of achieving Canadian citizenship. After all the work, she now has Canadian citizenship, and because of that, I became a Canadian citizen, too. To sum up, I bought a new house and became a Canadian citizen, making 2023 the best year in my life until now.
  • 6
    band

    Some people think that online reading materials are better for children. Others argues that traditional paper based resources are better. Discuss and give your opinion.

    There is no denying the fact that reading is a crucial thing to improve the child's mind. However, there is also an argument about what kind of materials are the best for kids, traditional paper or electronic paper. This essay will analyze this topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
  • 6
    band

    It is said that the education system is the most critical factor in the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

    The role of education in national progress has long been a subject of debate among policymakers and scholars. While various factors such as economic stability, political governance, and technological innovation contribute to a country’s advancement, I firmly believe that a robust education system is the cornerstone of sustainable development. This is because education not only cultivates human capital but also fosters social cohesion and drives innovation.
  • 6
    band

    The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    The question of whether the media should focus more on problems has sparked heated debate. Some argue that negative contents are harmful to individuals, while others see that problems and emergencies are worth the public’s attention. My personal idea is the latter should be more emphasized because media can actually provide in-time information for disaster forecasting or prevention. In this essay, I will elaborate more detail and provide my personal opinions.