IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #countryside #cities #towns #development
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It is certainly true that
Correct article usage
the middle-age
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middle-age
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
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 population prefers to move to cities. Whereas, It can see that upward trend of old community in village rising since a decade.
This
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 leads to positive and negative development which I will discuss in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, In today's ,generation younger crowd moved out from countryside due to the fact that fewer
facilities
Use synonyms
.
Such
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 as basic Healthcare
facilities
Use synonyms
, education, electricity.
Besides
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this
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, they suffered from an
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 crisis to compete in today's world. In the contrast, they will have more chances to gain employment in cities to fulfil their basic needs. They will get more advanced culture, entertainment
facilities
Use synonyms
, and there is a chance to improve their living standards of life. They will get lots of
opportunity
Change to a plural noun
opportunities
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 to describe their culture on
big
Add an article
a big
the big
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 platform. Like people using their art and craft activity and pottery
art
Add a comma
,art
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 they will gain profit and
this
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 the
weay
Correct your spelling
way
 to earn extra money.
On the other hand
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, the population of older folk skyrocketing increasing, from the latest data represented by the government in the newspaper. To illustrate
this
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, children are not getting school
facilities
Use synonyms
 as well as
a healthcare
Correct the article-noun agreement
healthcare facilities
a healthcare facility
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facilities
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, Old nation
sell
Change the verb form
sells
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 their farms to contractors they will do the farming activity by the labour and gain profit from that field. Even though, Countryside family are healthier than city society.
This
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 is the great advantage we have seen from village folk. In conclusion, the mid-age population have more benefit to move to a city like the economic level they are stable in a few years and start their family. Whereas old society will get fresh air compared to them, which is beneficial for them.
Submitted by kdsharma1706 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • migration
  • economic opportunities
  • urban areas
  • rural industries
  • cultural heritage
  • overpopulation
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational institutions
  • neglect
  • workforce
  • traditional cultures
  • customs
  • pollution
  • support systems
What to do next:
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