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Writing Samples
Band 8

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some ways. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Emphasising the unique features in advertisements,
businesses
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 nowadays claim that their
products
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 and services are exclusive or even the best in order to attract more consumers. In spite of certain drawbacks, I believe it is a positive development to win global competition and raise awareness about
products
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 among people.
To begin
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 with, as there is an abundance of entrepreneurs who create
products
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 every day, advertising is a significant tool for
businesses
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 to differentiate themselves from competitors.
Additionally
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, with an advertising campaign, they can show people which problems their
products
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 solve or how customers effectively benefit from them. In terms of sales,
products
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 that are introduced as "new" or "improved" can capture the attention of potential buyers more easily.
For example
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, smartwatches that can monitor a person's heart rate, blood pressure, and how many calories they burn by walking have encouraged thousands of individuals to take up an active lifestyle.
Thus
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,
this
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 trend inspires entrepreneurs, resulting in continuous improvements in technology and quality.
However
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,
this
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 tendency poses a number of concerns to both society and
businesses
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. First and foremost,
this
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 trend causes consumers to always expect "newness" in every new version of an item, which is quite impossible.
Subsequently
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, entrepreneurs will probably have to exaggerate even useless features or add ones that buyers cannot make use of. Beyond that, when
businesses
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 market their
products
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 as symbols of status or luxurious lifestyles, buyers tend to make decisions based on desire rather than necessity. To illustrate, the majority of individuals buy Apple
products
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, namely the iPhone, iPad, and MacBook, to show off their wealth and novelty.
This
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 may lead people to impulse buy
instead
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 of using their current belongings. In conclusion, emphasising new capabilities in advertising is crucial in today's intense market. I believe that the benefits of
this
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 development can outweigh the drawbacks when done ethically.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say more clearly why ads use the word new, and why this is good or bad.
task response
Your view is clear, but the bad side is also strong. Make your main view stronger in each body part.
task response
Some examples are good, but one example should be more exact and closer to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but a few ideas move too fast. Add one more line to explain how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
In the second body part, the points about need, status, and impulse buying could be tied together more closely.
task response
You answer both questions and give your opinion.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and easy to follow.
task response
You use examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main focus.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words like To begin with, Additionally, However, and In conclusion help the flow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
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