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Writing Samples
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the numbers of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, some countries have experienced a demographic trend where the number of young adults is significantly higher than the number of older
people
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.
While
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this
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 situation brings both benefits and challenges, I believe the advantages outweigh the
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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overall
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. One main advantage is that a larger number of young
people
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 means a stronger workforce. They can work in many different jobs and help grow the economy. Young adults are
also
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 more open to learning new skills and using new technology,
which
Correct word choice
as
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 there are fewer older
people
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, governments can spend less money can be used for education, public transport, or new businesses.
In addition
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, a young population can make a country more active and creative. Young
people
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 often bring new ideas to culture, media, and science. They are
also
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 more likely to start their own businesses or work in modern industries like IT or design. With the right support, they can help solve big problems like climate change or social inequality. Admittedly/
It
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it
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 is undeniable that
,
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apply
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 there are
also
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 some problems. If there are too many young
people
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, there may not be enough jobs for everyone.
This
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 can lead to unemployment and stress in society. To solve these problems, governments should invest more in job training programs. Not a big problem in the long run. In conclusion, having more young
people
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 than older
people
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 can cause some difficulties, but I think the benefits are more important. Young adults bring energy, new ideas, and growth to a country. As long as governments create enough opportunities for them,
this
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 situation can be very positive.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your ideas are clearly linked to each paragraph. Use connecting words to help the reader follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar for small mistakes. Make sure sentences flow smoothly and are easy to read.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and a good structure with an introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • population
  • young adults
  • older people
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • economic growth
  • work
  • innovation
  • businesses
  • ideas
  • society
  • perspectives
  • creativity
  • enthusiasm
  • progress
  • technological advancements
  • unemployment
  • jobs
  • social issues
  • crime
  • dissatisfaction
  • services
  • education
  • housing
  • resources
  • health
  • vitality
  • healthcare costs
  • aging population
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