IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

State your opinion. Should kids have phones at a young age?

#kids #phones #age
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I think kids should not be given cellphones at a young age, and here is why. As much as they are helpful, they are dangerous. We live in a world where one moment your child is hanging out with you and, the
next
Linking Words
 moment, they are unknowingly talking to a 40-year-old man in an online chat room. Why did I bring
this
Linking Words
 up?
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, my point is that no one under thirteen should have a cell phone. Why thirteen, you may ask? From what I have seen, thirteen-year-olds, teens, wanting to be adults and thinking they are adults tend to think twice of the consequences they will face for their actions. People usually start thinking about consequences when the word "teen" gets added unlike when you do not have that root at twelve.
Next
Linking Words
, people should not be given phones when young because it can cause bullying. From what we see, schools are trying to prevent bullying.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, no matter how hard schools try, they can not stop cyberbullying,
thus
Linking Words
, leading to problems that may result in a downgrade of a child's self-esteem and confidence.
Finally
Linking Words
, why parents should wait on gifting their children cellphones is that when a child gets a phone they feel older, and once that feeling kicks in, they will almost immediately want to get social media. By saying yes, parents unknowingly open up their kids to danger. Most kids set their accounts to "public" hoping to grow a following but,
instead
Linking Words
, attract paedophiles and other dangers. I will not go into too much detail because it would stretch into a novel, but here are a few reasons why I think people should not be given phones at a young age.
Submitted by sargsyan_armine on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: